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#453091 - 11/09/13 09:34 PM It's the most triggering time of the year...
Overcomer Offline


Registered: 11/12/10
Posts: 41
Loc: Sumter, SC
This Thanksgiving will mark 20 years since the abuse has started. My cousin abused me for 5 years - I was 11 when it started. We were usually only together for holidays and a week or two during the summer. Since then, I have noticed I get depressed around the holidays. Yesterday, thanks to a TV show, I broke down in tears because of everything. It may be the first time I have cried about it.
Most people can't understand how I couldn't like the holidays. To many, the Christmas tree is a sign of presents and joy and all that junk. Not to me. They are reminder of what happened. They are a reminder of confusion. They are a reminder of pain. They are a reminder of everything that went wrong. I cringe when I see Christmas stuff - and I've been seeing it since August. So people just need to forgive me if I'm not dancing around singing it's the most wonderful time of the year. They can call me Scrooge; they can call me the Grinch. They can say whatever they wish. I'm not excited that it's November and that the Christmas season is again knocking at my door.
I wish it wasn't like this. I want to feel joy. I want to be excited. Everyone just says , "You gotta create new memories." How? The shadow is always there. My best Christmas in the past 20 years was the one I spent out of the country - away from all my family. Maybe I should just go international for the holidays and come back in the new year? I dunno. I'm kinda rambling now. Trying to reconnect after a very emotional day yesterday and the following anxiety lasting through today. I'm feeling really disconnected and stuff. Thanks for reading.

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#453094 - 11/09/13 09:47 PM Re: It's the most triggering time of the year... [Re: Overcomer]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 684
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
I've sworn of holidays period. For much of the world it's an excuse to get drunk or to spend money because we've been trained to spend money, not because anyone actually cares about presents--at least I don't. If someone cares for me they show it whenever I see them. They see ME, they value ME, not what I can give them materially. I don't feel like a scrooge, but I put 0 value on pretty much anything holiday oriented. I do occasionally enjoy holiday buffets, but that has to do with enjoying a great selection of food, not superficial get togethers. Oh, did I mention that I have been a hermit for several years. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#453095 - 11/09/13 09:48 PM Re: It's the most triggering time of the year... [Re: Overcomer]
Bill61 Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 41
Loc: Illinois
Overcomer,
I'm sorry to hear about the depression you suffer from the holidays. I have that same problem myself especially since I worked in retail sales. I could great with gift giving, but I couldn't stand listening to the Xmas music, decorations and other stuff. My family knows not to bother me during this time.

Is there anything I can do to help you through these difficult times? One thing I took away from the Weekend of Recovery that I went to Oct 18-20, 2013 was that I am going to take moment by moment.

Bill61
_________________________
Small Stones
"Those who remove mountains begin by carrying away small stones"

"I am in charge of how I fell and I choose HAPPINESS" from The Law of Attraction.

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#453169 - 11/10/13 09:13 PM Re: It's the most triggering time of the year... [Re: Overcomer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3392
Loc: somewhere in Africa
the best holiday season i had up to age 21 was when my family went out of the state for Christmas and i spent my college break with a bunch of other students in inner city Chicago giving away food packages and gifts to needy families and throwing parties for underprivileged kids. it was a good combination - to be out of my normal setting - not being with family - and doing something worthwhile for someone else. at that time i didn't even remember the CSA - just knew that "home for the holidays" was NOT a good thing. i think those principles still apply - for me anyway.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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