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#453067 - 11/09/13 05:02 PM I'm lost .
Sunrise96 Offline


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 1
For me, emotional and mental abuse exceeded physical. I can barely make it through each day without the fallout of my childhood affecting everything. I think most people wish that the effects weren't so pervasive and heavy, but they are. I'd like to finally stop fooling myself and accept my reality for what it was. Abuse. You can turn yourself around and around to try to see the best in everything, but sometimes it's not the best at all. I've now decided to stand up to the frightening reality that my life is actually horrible and my childhood was a living death no matter how I try not to face it all. I'm glad I found this site, because the torment was becoming like some festering wound that no amount of bandages could help stop the pain that was screaming in the background of my life.

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#453068 - 11/09/13 05:11 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1251
Loc: kansas
Welcome to MS.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#453083 - 11/09/13 08:26 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
Hartdaddy Offline


Registered: 10/18/13
Posts: 13
Hang in there lost, I'm glad you found us. Rest here for a while and know we are here for you, you are not alone.

Dave

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#453086 - 11/09/13 08:58 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 158
Sunrise69 you nailed it I couldn't say it better I feel the same way thank you man
_________________________
I will never be fixed I will never be whole I will never be okay I will never give up

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#453102 - 11/09/13 10:35 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1370
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Sunrise96
....I'd like to finally stop fooling myself and accept my reality for what it was. Abuse.

Hey Sunrise,

Welcome! Thats a great insight to have. Many of us have spent lifetimes trying to convince ourselves it was nothing, only to realize later that CSA was a defining event in our childhoods. You won't find all the answers here at MS, but you will find a supportive group of guys who get it, and have your back.

Jude
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd

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#453109 - 11/09/13 11:25 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
Lost, I, too, suffered psychological/emotional abuse during childhood. It really messes with your mind because the abuser isn't always mean. It makes you completely doubt yourself and not trust your own judgment. I know its incredibly frustrating to realize how encompassing the damage is, but we're going to make it through this someday.
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

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#453120 - 11/10/13 06:48 AM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 548
Sunrise96,

Glad you found us too. I can relate when you say how devastating the emotional/mental abuse can be. Sometimes it can be so pervasive and covert that it becomes exhausting to process. I hope you find the understanding and support that you deserve here.
_________________________
Husky

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#453161 - 11/10/13 08:40 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 135
Loc: Virginia
Hi Sunrise,

Welcome. I don't have a lot to add but I'm really glad you found this site. There's everything to be gained (and nothing to lose) by calling your past what it was. Abuse. We all tend to "look on the bright side," but often at the cost of calling things as they really are. Now that you're calling it by its real name, you're in a position to start healing from it.

I really want to encourage you to explore this site, especially all the discussion threads. I've found in the short time I've been here that someone has brought up virtually everything I went through (or am going through now) and there were always plenty of insights provided by other guys who went through the same things. Not a substitute for a good therapist but a heck of a good way to begin to teach yourself how to heal in the meantime.

Again, welcome.

gettingstronger (aka Bob.)

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#453164 - 11/10/13 08:49 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 264
Loc: MO
Hi Sunrise96

Welcome. Accepting it was abuse, was a necessary step for me. However, I spent decades trying to minimize it and believing I was a monster if I ever lost control.

Many of us have found this site a safe and supportive one. I hope you find that experience too.

We all have different stories and we all are just the same.

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#453167 - 11/10/13 09:08 PM Re: I'm lost . [Re: Sunrise96]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 2974
Loc: O Kanada
welcome to ms.org.

just some thoughts...

maybe you're not lost.
maybe you're finding your (true) self,
and it might be foreign territory for a while.

you may have noticed that you do not resemble the description you received from your abusers.

you define your own identity.
claim your turf.
establish your borders.

throw out the map the abusers gave you,
and start drafting your own.
get a good compass, and explore.

hope this site will help you heal.
i have been reading posts here for 10 years, but
i have only been brave enough to speak out for the last 6 months.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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