Discouraging is par for the course for a supporter of a survivor who is not in recovery. Sorry. I sound jaded. But regardless of what you say or write, you will not be the solution. All of us thought early on that we could be part of the solution, or that we could nurture the solution. I remember feeling very inspired by survivors talking about how important it was that I was standing by my man. The reality is that we are NEVER the solution. Our boundaries, our limits, our needs - they become operating guidelines for our lives - and, if our partners are ready, they can also help them learn what will and won't be tolerated in the relationship. But true healing is organic.
Your boyfriend has to realize that losing you is worst than facing his demons. For him to realize that, you have to have a specific stance, one where you are very certain of your needs - and one where you communicate consistently and in a trust worthy fashion. Unfortunately, running around after a person who is not in recovery is the exact opposite. I have been in this exact position - I have spent hours trying to tell him the right things - it doesn't happen that way though, because the more invested you are in his healing, the less invested he has to be. And trust me, it's only real when it is his.