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#452898 - 11/08/13 11:31 AM What is your plan for recovery?
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
When i started recovery i believed it was important to have a plan to map a path to recovery. Has anyone else use this approach and if yes what was your plan.

thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.org my story in blog.
copy and paste.
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#453046 - 11/09/13 11:08 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
My biggest approach was to read as much as I could and find people who had experience with healing from sexual abuse and connect with them.

I tried to be gentle wig myself and take care of myself in healthy and affirming ways- even if that meant lots of naps and working out several times a week- these physical habits helped manage the mental and psychological stuff I was going through.

"Live another day, climb a little higher" was a brother's phrase here that made sense to me- and I had to reaffirm my intentions to avoid compulsive or destructive behavior that only provides me temporary escape and lasting hopelessness.

I didn't have a real plan except to keep moving onward and upward and tay out of shame and isolation.


Edited by Mountainous Buck (11/09/13 11:08 AM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#453047 - 11/09/13 11:44 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
Rich918 Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 45
Recovery? What exactly am I recovering? My life was day to day survival starting from scratch at four years old. All that I can do is learn.

I didnt have anything to lose to begin with, so I'm not a salvage job... more of a transformation job. Transforming into what, I dont know; just something resembling 'normalcy' or something to fit into daily social dealings.

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#453049 - 11/09/13 12:19 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3376
Loc: somewhere in Africa
A drowning man does not make a plan - but merely tries desperately to grab anything that will help him to survive. I grabbed books, the MS forums, and a good T - more by luck than conscious choice. I have been happy with that combination of resources and have stuck with it.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#453051 - 11/09/13 12:45 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1307
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 11:17 AM)
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#453054 - 11/09/13 01:41 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3376
Loc: somewhere in Africa
I look at the concept of "recovery" as a process - without an end goal - like I have heard AA does. I am a recovering CSA survivor. I don't necessarily believe that I will ever be "over it." That is ok for me at this point in my journey.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#453058 - 11/09/13 02:09 PM ! [Re: jas4159]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 10:27 PM)

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#453059 - 11/09/13 02:16 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
Harvey Dent Offline


Registered: 11/02/13
Posts: 28
"Becoming is a denial of being." --Bruce Lee

"I am defined by the choices I make.". --me

Recovery is the process of rediscovering the truth of who you are, who you were, and who you strive to be. Today I am angry. Discovering the truth of that anger is of utmost importance. Not because I am angry, but because I am. Yesterday I was afraid. I fought through that fear and have slain that demon. Not because I was afraid, but simply because I am. I was happy, and celebrated. I was sad and mourned. I fell in love and walked on air. I was heartbroken and lost my mind.

For me, recovery is about being true to who you are and discovering who you should have been. There is no plan. There is no goal. There is no attainment.

In Zen, there are riddles designed to teach Truth (with a capital "T'). These are known as koans. One of my favorites involves Lohan, who asked his master if a dog has the Buddha-nature or not. (The Buddha-nature is defined as the essense of Nirvana found within us all.). The master replied "Mu!", which translates to no, but it really translates to "Nothingness!" Or "Void!".

I meditated on this koan for almost 4 years and my answer makes as little sense as the koan itself:

"The wind blows through the leaves as the bell echoes through the hills".

You are the leaves. Let the wind blow. Nothing changes that you are the leaf. You are the hills. Let the echo resound. Nothing changes that you are the hill. Does a dog gave the essence of Eternal Truth within it? Why does that matter? You are not a dog. You are a man. Whatever you are, be that.


That to me is recovery.
_________________________
I am not defined by what is done to me. I am defined by the choices I make.

My story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=452346#Post452346

Odds are that I am typing on my phone. Please excuse punctuation and spelling. Editing is a serious pain in the neck.

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#453065 - 11/09/13 03:56 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 677
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Reading all of this is GREAT FOR ME guys. Thanks. I have been so unfocused, so diffuse all my life. Reading your thoughts and experiences is like a tuning fork resonating octaves of recognition in me. It is incredible for me.

I don't have anything to recover. The damage to me was done so early--began in infancy, was severe sexually until 3 1/2 and some later. Was severe in emotional isolation always. My SELF was shattered into millions of pieces also and I retrieve a tiny piece at a time as I am able. AT 64, I feel that everything is always here, including all of ME. That love is a natural force that is always present and I do choose love. That love does heal. The medicine cards talk of natural law, which is above human law. It seems to mean that the power of creation works and is always in force. That seems to be true in my life. Trusting natural law has meant for me that I am always where I need to be for where I am in my life and in my developing SELF. The problems I have and have had seem to be/have been because I do not/did not understand where I was in the process. So for me, the discovery process is learning to trust in natural law and learning to stay aware and curious. It has been a very long process for me to learn even the smallest amount of trust, and it can evaporate so quickly when I am frightened. But, my fledgling trust does come back.

I am still fairly isolated, my mental functioning is still fairly fucked up, my physical state is not strong, but overall, I am healthier and more vibrant than I have ever been. So, I am more optimistic than I have ever been. I am beginning to trust my ability to grow, to learn. So if I were to talk of recovery, I would talk of recovering hope. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#453074 - 11/09/13 06:31 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
Wow, I wasn't expecting much interest in my question. And of course recovery and its concept is different for everyone. I personally believe in it and have lived it so for me recovery is a very real thing. My life today is so much different than it was before I entered the process of recovery. The end does justify the means. Giving up was never an option for me once i stepped out of denial. Please keep the comments coming.

thank you all.

rich
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#453088 - 11/09/13 09:20 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I feel that recovery is getting to normal life. I deal with drug and alcohol abuse with CSA.

I have 18 years clean and sober, and a pretty good recovery from my CSA. I'm not a drama queen or a Superman in denial, as would be my way of dealing.

Life is pretty good. I can say that I am not to blame, I did not have a choice, I was a victimized child tricked into willingness.

Some evil shit happened to me, but it is not who I am.

That is my recovery plan.


Edited by On The Fringe (11/09/13 09:21 PM)
Edit Reason: Spelling OOOpsie
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#453147 - 11/10/13 03:43 PM ! [Re: don64]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 10:26 PM)

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#453148 - 11/10/13 04:32 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1307
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 11:18 AM)

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#453173 - 11/10/13 09:28 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 155
Loc: Virginia
I definitely see everyone's point of view, but when I started really tackling this in earnest about 9 weeks ago, I did in fact put together a plan of sorts.

First, I took the trouble to list ALL the major traumas that happened early in life that were still affecting me. I pretty much listed them by person, with a paragraph on what happened. That helped me to "see" the picture since it was now on paper. My rule was, if it was still affecting me now, it went on paper. There were my parents, my sister, friends of the family, a psychotic neighborhood bully, and ultimately, my perp.

Second, I meditated long and hard on each of these, in turn. I tried to connect what happened with each person to how it affected me. For instance, my father is an abusive jerk who CANNOT be argued with, so that's part of where my fear of authority and fear of conflict came from. I was able to tie everything I don't like about myself to events such as these.

Third, I focused (and am still focusing) on each of these negative personality traits (fear of authority, low self-esteem, penis envy, etc.) and am taking positive steps to turn them around. Thanks to therapists like Belleruth Naperstek, I've discovered the art of meditating and using affirmations to retrain my subconscious to believe healthy things about myself. For example, I no longer think of myself as the amorphous little blob with a tiny thing who no one likes.

Without trying to sound big-headed, I now think of myself as a handsome, sexy guy with a perfectly adequate thing who actually has plenty of friends. All through retraining my subconscious to work FOR me rather than AGAINST me, like I've allowed it to do for far too long.

Next, I enlisted support from friends I can trust, my wife, the pastors and prayer team at my church (who pray for me on a regular basis,) a wonderful therapist, my regular doctor, a number of survivor websites, and MS. I knew I couldn't beat this alone. I pulled in all the help I could think of.

Fifth, I have made a very strong effort to learn as much about who I am and want to be as possible. Since I had to reinvent myself from scratch, that put ME in control of both the process and the outcome. I couldn't (and can't) un-live the past, but I could damn well make it irrelevant. Along the way, I've been determined to learn as much about what makes me tick, how to be angry in healthy ways, how to feel sorrow that's not debilitating, and so on. In other words, putting my emotional self back together.

Finally, when I began to address this, I made a vow to myself that I wasn't going to allow it to ruin my life for five more minutes if I could help it. For once in my life, I was going to put MY needs first instead of shoe-horning them in after I took care of everyone else.

So this has been my "plan," and so far it's working. In spades. I'm sure as hell not there yet, but I've made amazing progress in a relatively short period of time. It may go on forever in one way or another, and that's ok. Along the way, I've had the privilege of talking with other guys who are a step or two behind me, and at least I can offer encouragement. Sorry for the long-winded answer but I wanted to share it.

Bob
_________________________
Don't let "three steps forward and two steps back" bother you. Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#456173 - 12/06/13 07:50 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
chapter 6 of my book is my plan.

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#456177 - 12/06/13 09:17 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1628
I had a plan but it did not work as planned. I thought it would be linear--always moving forward. Then bang--something would happen and push me back. Living environment was a major factor I did not consider, thinking therapy, support groups, journals, would overcome the negative aspects but I was wrong. I also did not consider the unplanned meetings with supportive and compassionate people and how they would positively influence my healing. Compassionate and supportive people would become an essential part of the healing--I did not consider them in my initial plan of healing. So I had a plan but it was only part of the path I ended up traveling. I do believe therapy and support groups were integral parts of healing but people who understand and support are also essential.



Edited by KMCINVA (12/06/13 10:00 AM)

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#456300 - 12/07/13 10:31 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
I had no plan yesterday, I have no plan today. The abuse began so early and lasted so long, there is nothing back there I wish to rediscover and bring forth. I feel like Boone as he cleared his way through the wilderness and into this new world beyond the mountains. The old growth is all around us, casting those deep dark shadows, blocking out the sunshine at times, making forward movement more difficult. But we continue to move forward, because somewhere over the next ridge, the valley will fall before us. The promise of a different life lies ahead.

My plan is to continue forth. With each mountain ridge I traverse, as I stand at the top, I see even more worth moving toward. At times it pains me to leave behind things, and memories, and even people. But I can no longer embrace what never was and I must see what truly is.

If I had a plan it would be as follows, I think:

My plan is to seek truth. In me. My good, my bad, but especially my good. And I am beginning to realize that my GOOD far out weighs my bad.

My plan is to seek truth in the world. And to acknowledge the good and the bad.

My plan is to realize I have only just begun!

And in reality, I have read countless materials, attended counseling sessions, shredded the old, still shredding the old. I have cried in the quiet hours of the nights like there would be no tomorrow, and I have expressed my thoughts on MS over and over. And just this week, I discovered I still need to face the ugly truths of my past again in people I had chosen to pretend with. But it is all about seeking the truth. Nothing more, nothing less.

…just makes me want to run nekked through the snow!!!! (for the literal souls, that is just a joke expressing my continual emerging excitement about life).
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#460394 - 02/09/14 03:37 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
thanks everyone
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#460819 - 02/15/14 09:54 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 124
Loc: Michigan
I wish I had a plan. To have a plan is to have an end goal in mind. I have neither. I treat it more like a chronic condition than something I'll ever get past. I have good days and I have bad. Thankfully for the time being, my good outnumber the bad. Therapy helps. Reading helps. Community helps. But nothing erases.

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#461043 - 02/18/14 08:58 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 155
Loc: Virginia
We can't un-live it, but we can keep working until it no longer controls us. That's all the victory I'm looking for.

Bob
_________________________
Don't let "three steps forward and two steps back" bother you. Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#461048 - 02/18/14 10:21 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3329
Loc: O Kanada
i have always had a lot of goals, but never really a plan.
the plan was, is, and continues to be...
as i move through the maze of life, i am continually and coninously faced with an endless series of forks in the road.
i must always keep my mind on the choice right in front of me, and make the right choice for that moment, each time, every time. one wrong decision and i am lost, until that decison has been dealt with.

so that's my plan, i guess, a place to start.
always do the right thing, but be prepared to be proven wrong.
don't let pride keep you moving deeper into darkness, damage and danger.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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