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#453088 - 11/09/13 09:20 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I feel that recovery is getting to normal life. I deal with drug and alcohol abuse with CSA.

I have 18 years clean and sober, and a pretty good recovery from my CSA. I'm not a drama queen or a Superman in denial, as would be my way of dealing.

Life is pretty good. I can say that I am not to blame, I did not have a choice, I was a victimized child tricked into willingness.

Some evil shit happened to me, but it is not who I am.

That is my recovery plan.


Edited by On The Fringe (11/09/13 09:21 PM)
Edit Reason: Spelling OOOpsie
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#453147 - 11/10/13 03:43 PM ! [Re: don64]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 10:26 PM)

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#453148 - 11/10/13 04:32 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 11:18 AM)

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#453173 - 11/10/13 09:28 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 170
Loc: Virginia
I definitely see everyone's point of view, but when I started really tackling this in earnest about 9 weeks ago, I did in fact put together a plan of sorts.

First, I took the trouble to list ALL the major traumas that happened early in life that were still affecting me. I pretty much listed them by person, with a paragraph on what happened. That helped me to "see" the picture since it was now on paper. My rule was, if it was still affecting me now, it went on paper. There were my parents, my sister, friends of the family, a psychotic neighborhood bully, and ultimately, my perp.

Second, I meditated long and hard on each of these, in turn. I tried to connect what happened with each person to how it affected me. For instance, my father is an abusive jerk who CANNOT be argued with, so that's part of where my fear of authority and fear of conflict came from. I was able to tie everything I don't like about myself to events such as these.

Third, I focused (and am still focusing) on each of these negative personality traits (fear of authority, low self-esteem, penis envy, etc.) and am taking positive steps to turn them around. Thanks to therapists like Belleruth Naperstek, I've discovered the art of meditating and using affirmations to retrain my subconscious to believe healthy things about myself. For example, I no longer think of myself as the amorphous little blob with a tiny thing who no one likes.

Without trying to sound big-headed, I now think of myself as a handsome, sexy guy with a perfectly adequate thing who actually has plenty of friends. All through retraining my subconscious to work FOR me rather than AGAINST me, like I've allowed it to do for far too long.

Next, I enlisted support from friends I can trust, my wife, the pastors and prayer team at my church (who pray for me on a regular basis,) a wonderful therapist, my regular doctor, a number of survivor websites, and MS. I knew I couldn't beat this alone. I pulled in all the help I could think of.

Fifth, I have made a very strong effort to learn as much about who I am and want to be as possible. Since I had to reinvent myself from scratch, that put ME in control of both the process and the outcome. I couldn't (and can't) un-live the past, but I could damn well make it irrelevant. Along the way, I've been determined to learn as much about what makes me tick, how to be angry in healthy ways, how to feel sorrow that's not debilitating, and so on. In other words, putting my emotional self back together.

Finally, when I began to address this, I made a vow to myself that I wasn't going to allow it to ruin my life for five more minutes if I could help it. For once in my life, I was going to put MY needs first instead of shoe-horning them in after I took care of everyone else.

So this has been my "plan," and so far it's working. In spades. I'm sure as hell not there yet, but I've made amazing progress in a relatively short period of time. It may go on forever in one way or another, and that's ok. Along the way, I've had the privilege of talking with other guys who are a step or two behind me, and at least I can offer encouragement. Sorry for the long-winded answer but I wanted to share it.

Bob
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#456173 - 12/06/13 07:50 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 284
chapter 6 of my book is my plan.

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#456177 - 12/06/13 09:17 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1666
I had a plan but it did not work as planned. I thought it would be linear--always moving forward. Then bang--something would happen and push me back. Living environment was a major factor I did not consider, thinking therapy, support groups, journals, would overcome the negative aspects but I was wrong. I also did not consider the unplanned meetings with supportive and compassionate people and how they would positively influence my healing. Compassionate and supportive people would become an essential part of the healing--I did not consider them in my initial plan of healing. So I had a plan but it was only part of the path I ended up traveling. I do believe therapy and support groups were integral parts of healing but people who understand and support are also essential.



Edited by KMCINVA (12/06/13 10:00 AM)

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#456300 - 12/07/13 10:31 AM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
I had no plan yesterday, I have no plan today. The abuse began so early and lasted so long, there is nothing back there I wish to rediscover and bring forth. I feel like Boone as he cleared his way through the wilderness and into this new world beyond the mountains. The old growth is all around us, casting those deep dark shadows, blocking out the sunshine at times, making forward movement more difficult. But we continue to move forward, because somewhere over the next ridge, the valley will fall before us. The promise of a different life lies ahead.

My plan is to continue forth. With each mountain ridge I traverse, as I stand at the top, I see even more worth moving toward. At times it pains me to leave behind things, and memories, and even people. But I can no longer embrace what never was and I must see what truly is.

If I had a plan it would be as follows, I think:

My plan is to seek truth. In me. My good, my bad, but especially my good. And I am beginning to realize that my GOOD far out weighs my bad.

My plan is to seek truth in the world. And to acknowledge the good and the bad.

My plan is to realize I have only just begun!

And in reality, I have read countless materials, attended counseling sessions, shredded the old, still shredding the old. I have cried in the quiet hours of the nights like there would be no tomorrow, and I have expressed my thoughts on MS over and over. And just this week, I discovered I still need to face the ugly truths of my past again in people I had chosen to pretend with. But it is all about seeking the truth. Nothing more, nothing less.

…just makes me want to run nekked through the snow!!!! (for the literal souls, that is just a joke expressing my continual emerging excitement about life).
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#460394 - 02/09/14 03:37 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 284
thanks everyone
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#460819 - 02/15/14 09:54 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 125
Loc: Michigan
I wish I had a plan. To have a plan is to have an end goal in mind. I have neither. I treat it more like a chronic condition than something I'll ever get past. I have good days and I have bad. Thankfully for the time being, my good outnumber the bad. Therapy helps. Reading helps. Community helps. But nothing erases.

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#461043 - 02/18/14 08:58 PM Re: What is your plan for recovery? [Re: jas4159]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 170
Loc: Virginia
We can't un-live it, but we can keep working until it no longer controls us. That's all the victory I'm looking for.

Bob
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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