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#452437 - 11/04/13 11:39 AM here we go again
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 751
Loc: michigan
so guys, another question
I let my T talk me into inviting my wife to a session with me. it is NOT a couples therapy thing he says, and he is NOT going to disclose my stuff he says, ( if you notice I am REALLY beginning to think less of this plan) thing is he feels I need to involve her in my "stuff" more. I have totally NO agenda for the session and far as I can tell it is going to be an hour of my life that I cant get back.I can see them getting along well and chatting for an hour and we go home,which I see as pointless. I have NO intention of sharing ANYTHING she does not already know. and she does know a lot so I am not understanding what the point is here. I feel like I would talk to him about what has been going on lately IF she were not going to be there, but it involves some things that I do NOT talk to her about so looks like I could send her and just stay home myself. have any of you done this kind of thing? what is it that he hopes to accomplish? I am getting pretty unsure now, I hope this doesn't go badly anyhow guys ... help!!!
jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#452438 - 11/04/13 12:18 PM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
You are the boss of your T sessions.

If you don't want it to happen, tell your T it will have to wait a few months.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#452446 - 11/04/13 02:17 PM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: newground

I let my T talk me into


RED FLAG. They don't lead - you do.

If you're not comfortable giving your wife more info, and not comfortable discussing your wife in front of T, then it sounds like a migraine start to finish. Unless your marriage is in crisis, I can't quite see what benefit this would bring to anyone.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#452454 - 11/04/13 03:30 PM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3363
Loc: somewhere in Africa
I involved my wife in sessions - but at my invitation and my timing. It was very helpful in the long run - though not immediately. We eventually had two sessions a week - one for me and another as a couple. Go at your own pace. Pressure and coercion are not helpful.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#452460 - 11/04/13 04:19 PM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Taking my toys, and heading home.


Edited by Castle (12/18/13 07:39 PM)
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#452648 - 11/06/13 08:39 AM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 751
Loc: michigan
I so hope it helps my wife, that is the only reason I would even do this. I am uncertain at best about the whole thing even though my wife told me if it is worrying me so much that she would stay home.I don't think that would serve any purpose either, perhaps stir some distrust on her part. Trust really is the issue I know, I don't trust easily or well. My wife is as close as I come to trusting anyone and even there there are limits I guess that is what this is all about. I don't feel good about it but we are going later today. eeeeeeeeee
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#452649 - 11/06/13 08:57 AM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Taking my toys, and heading home.


Edited by Castle (12/18/13 07:40 PM)
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#452650 - 11/06/13 08:58 AM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1618
My two cents from experience. It is important to know her state of mind. Is she there to learn or heal or is her intent to vent and attack you for what you may have done. Is she all knowing and there to protect herself or others for their own behaviors or simply to deny what has happened? Only you know your wife and is she a supporter or destroyer? Emotions can take over, and know her agenda because it could push back your healing.

Be careful.


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#452733 - 11/06/13 11:09 PM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1509
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: newground
...I let my T talk me into inviting my wife to a session with me. it is NOT a couples therapy thing he says, and he is NOT going to disclose my stuff he says....thing is he feels I need to involve her in my "stuff" more.
Hey NG,

I echo some of whats been said. Your T should be asking you to consider, not pressuring you to, bring your wife to a session. It may or may not be a good idea to involve her more in your "stuff", but thats you're decision, not his. If you're not comfortable with it, just tell him so. If he has a hissy fit, its time for a new T.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real"
Van Halen

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#452797 - 11/07/13 06:58 PM Re: here we go again [Re: newground]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
Therapists do not push. Period. Their goal is to assist and lead you to realizing and changing/modifying/adapting your issue. He needs to understand your comfort level. Doesn't mean you will never comply, but it sounds like you need some time. Therefore, HE needs to come to some realizations, not YOU!

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