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#452630 - 11/06/13 01:51 AM Problems with job search
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: New Jersey
I don't know if it is common for survivors (I suspect it is though), but I have problems when I look for a job. I'm always discounting my skills, I look at a description of a job and seem to find a reason I'm not qualified. Deep down, I feel like I'm more qualified for those jobs then I think but I can't shake the feeling that I'm not. Has anyone found a way to keep these feelings at bay

"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#452741 - 11/07/13 12:45 AM Re: Problems with job search [Re: onlyakid]
ShortedDiode Offline

Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 81
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
I've been through that too, not with just jobs but many things, and I think you're probably right to suspect that it's common among survivors. I've never been able to keep those feelings at bay or make them go away completely.

The only thing that worked was to flat out ignore them the last time I applied for a job. I acknowledged that they were there and then ignored them from that point on through the rest of the application process, which seemed to work because it was the easiest time I've had getting hired so far. It took a lot of willpower to make that happen and I know it's much easier said than done, but it worked much better than anything I'd done to deal with that issue in the past when I'd applied for other jobs where I'd either talked myself out of applying or the employer out of hiring me so many times.
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

#452742 - 11/07/13 01:45 AM Re: Problems with job search [Re: onlyakid]
don64 Offline

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 357
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Willpower is an interesting concept. The only way I seem to develop willpower in an underdeveloped/weak/damaged area in myself seems to be getting slammed enough times and hurting enough so that changing doesn't seem as scary any more. I wish I could learn more easily, but so far I haven't. However, I've been on MS for 3-4 weeks now. I had never talked to a survivor before (am 64), and am reaching much more deeply in myself than ever before. There seems to be an element of taking myself much more seriously than I have ever been able to before. Having the support of others like me seems to be helping me to care for MYSELF in much more powerful way. I have a ways to go, but I am so grateful to feel these shifts in myself. Thanks. Don

#452750 - 11/07/13 04:38 AM Re: Problems with job search [Re: onlyakid]
justplainme Offline

Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 196
One day at a time, imagine yourself finding the inner resources, read books about people you look up 2, really tough men. Winston churchill type.
Assertiveness does not develop over night. Know you are just as good not better or any less, but just as good as everyone else.

@ Don...
your story touched me deeply, my admiration is with you.

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

#452805 - 11/07/13 08:54 PM Re: Problems with job search [Re: onlyakid]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1043
Loc: The ATL

Hi Onlyakid. The answer for me is YES, big time. Interviews are especially a doozie for me. When they ask what my strengths are, I find myself stammering and reaching desperately to think of any, always feeling like I must sound to them like I'm obviously BSing and that I know what I'm saying isn't necessarily true. If and when they ask what my weaknesses are I almost feel like saying, "Weaknesses? Holy crap! How much time you got, buddy?" Interviewing for a job requires you to exude some confidence and I feel like I exude about as much confidence as a beaten, abandoned dog, shivering in the rain behind a dumpster.

So, yeah. I can identify. Good luck with your job search. Peace,



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