yeah, Chris -
dealing with it on our own doesn't work - and neither does forgetting - in the long run - as you have learned. and the confusion is perfectly understandable - a normal response to an abnormal situation.
and far from being alone - there are thousands of us in this same boat with you. welcome.
let us know how we can help.
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"