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#452226 - 11/02/13 11:20 AM Happy Birthday Son
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6403
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I disclosed and got put through a chipper/shredder.

My son's party is tonight. Still is not welcome. I like to make a very big deal about my kid's birthdays. They are my two most wonderful gifts from God...exactly as I had asked him for.

"Oh, but you'll have your own celebration." Sorry...Private, after-the-date, just me-and-them stuff is sad. Its depressing as f***. Its lonely. Its pitiful. Nothing will be as emotionally black as those birthday parties with the Court's Guardian Ad Litem waiting in the other room, but I thought once the $250K was spent on my side of the divorce, the added pain might stop.

I had a nightmare last night about his birthday, and me getting together with the kids. It was so depressing.

No idea how to fix this bullet wound.
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#452230 - 11/02/13 11:45 AM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: Still]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 686
Loc: NJ
I am so sorry. So incredibly sorry.

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#452249 - 11/02/13 03:58 PM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: Still]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
(((((Still)))))
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#452303 - 11/03/13 01:24 AM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: Still]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3379
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Still -

yeah - that stinks! but from what i've read in your other posts, your kids will both notice your absence and miss you significantly. it sounds like you have a very good relationship with your son and that he loves you a lot. i know that doesn't make the hurt about being excluded any less. but it is much more important. to both of you. i had lots of family birthday parties - but after age 3 i never had a loving father. i hope you can cherish what you do have - even though it is not what you wish you had - or what you deserve.

LEE
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As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#452320 - 11/03/13 08:50 AM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: Still]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
Sorry to hear. It is sad when children are separated from either parent, but sadly sometimes the adults unduly influence the children. I was recently at a party, the parents were divorced but both were there. I only met them recently and they are friends of my friend. The son is a handful and uses the parents disconnect to his advantage against the father. The son started on the father, but to everyone's surprise (and I only know this from hearing from people)the mother turned to the son and said he is your father and if you cannot show respect you can leave. The son continued and then his sister jumped in and the mother stopped her on the spot. My friend said this was the first time in the 15 years she has known the family that the mother stood up for the father and not sided with the children--for 10 years they were married and the five years since the divorce. Even adults grow up and realize they have unknowingly hurt the children and the other parent. One person made the comment she finally realized marriage should have been between the two of them and not her and her children-that is sad.

So there is hope that the children will realize your true love for them and the other parent will support your relationship and realize the two of you can have a relationship with the children. It is not an him or me.

I live in a very disconnected situation from the CSA and other issues with my children. But for me the separation is and has allowed me to heal because sometimes words and actions are destructive to the healing process. I will always love my children and will be there for them and help when I can but will not allow their actions to deter healing.

My thoughts and hopes are with you on resolving the situation with your ex and children.

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#452324 - 11/03/13 09:46 AM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: Still]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
Kmc,

this isn't the first time, and I highly doubt the last, that things like this, very important events in his kids lives, that he has been excluded, had moments taken away from him, had special things like pictures destroyed that can never be replaced, all because of believing the myths about csa survivors.

that is what is sad and still is paying that hefty price for others believing in those myths.
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#452326 - 11/03/13 09:59 AM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: Obi]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
It is so sad he is excluded his family from his life due to the ignorance of others. Sadly ignorance is found at all levels, families, friends, medical , legal. The abused has been abused a lifetime and it continues in his family and the judicial and medical systems.

My heart goes out to him and everyone who continues to be tormented by and years after the csa.

Obi thank you for reminding all of us of the personal agonies suffered from csa. I too have lost much. Items the children made for me were thrown out, pictures missing and being told I lost them, personal papers ransacked, and so much more like you and Still have lived. I was the one to save the mementos when others were throwing everything out. I cherished these items but they are all gone now. I suspect others are holding now realizing the sentimental value they hold. I hope one day it is over and bitterness and ignorance end.

Kevin


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#452334 - 11/03/13 12:02 PM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: KMCINVA]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
Originally Posted By: KMCINVA
It is so sad he is excluded his family from his life due to the ignorance of others. Sadly ignorance is found at all levels, families, friends, medical , legal. The abused has been abused a lifetime and it continues in his family and the judicial and medical systems.

My heart goes out to him and everyone who continues to be tormented by and years after the csa.

Obi thank you for reminding all of us of the personal agonies suffered from csa. I too have lost much. Items the children made for me were thrown out, pictures missing and being told I lost them, personal papers ransacked, and so much more like you and Still have lived. I was the one to save the mementos when others were throwing everything out. I cherished these items but they are all gone now. I suspect others are holding now realizing the sentimental value they hold. I hope one day it is over and bitterness and ignorance end.

Kevin



agreed.

it is sad that Still, and many others, are having to go through these things because of others and their ignorance.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again, that we are all going to be the ones that take the most crap, treated awful and so on, until there is enough true information that gets out there for society to change its views towards sexual abuse. We are the ones that are going to have to carry that cross, pay that hefty price, so that others behind us can get the help that they need without prejudice or hatred spewed at them, until one day sexual abuse is, hopefully, eradicated.

until that time, we have to do our best to help support each other because we are the ones that are going to have to take the brunt of society's ignorant wrath.
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#452358 - 11/03/13 03:48 PM Re: Happy Birthday Son [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6403
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Thank you for the kind words of support guys.

Still just got off the phone with his father, to see how Daddy Dearest's wife is doing with her chest-pains. "oh...she's super...twas nothing uttall" he replied. "Probably your cooking" Still quipped. <silence>

The father asked "so....what's up?" "Oh...nothing...I missed Son's birthday, as in 'not allowed to be there'" Still replied. Dead-silent phone time...but Still is not uncomfortable with that any longer. He just glares with 'attitude' at whatever wall he happens to be facing. That same dead look he give to anything that would cause a 'normal' to 'flip-shit-burgers,' as he likes to say.

"Oh! Yeah! That's right! His birthday is now. I'll have to send a card or something. How old will he be?" Still shifts deeper to his undertaker's-voice and reminds him that "Son's birthday has only been this date for the past 14 years."

The father seems to think for a moment; "Yeah....well....I'm usually away this time of year; hunting."

Still will not respond. He knew! He knew to not expect his father to appreciate that Still had been shunned from an event for his own ultra-beloved son. He knew to not expect ... anything really.

His stare turned into a sorta flashback...sorta-reminder...yer the reason I could not seek rescue! YOU are the reason I never felt proper love from a parent. You are the reason I ran to the perps for being useful, valued, needed, wanted. You are why I felt comfortable and warm in the bed of the chief perp.

"Tell Son he'll see a card from me soon" the voice said...waking Still out of his trance. "OK" Still replies..."talk to you later."
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