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#451036 - 10/22/13 11:50 PM Re: Redeveloping relationships [Re: Vedder32]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 342
Loc: NY
Hey, Vedder.

Your frightened feelings are understandable. As you probably know, they won't go away, no matter how good the vacation is.

What you might want to consider is what is the starting place for rebuilding? That would seem to be a good question for any of us who are considering doing this in a place where devastation has occurred. My own thoughts are that starting places have to have the feeling of being ungoverned but are not necessarily without boundaries. Two people who might have a chance at some kind of understanding across a fearful divide need to have the freedom to explore what the territory is, as well as what the boundaries might be.

If you have a sense of your own starting place, even if it is a kind of small expectation, that might help. For instance, you might ask yourself, if I begin to speak about sensitive subjects, how much listening would be a beginning of something? Is just knowing that someone is listening enough? Is a response required? If there was one thing that you wanted to say and be heard, what would it be? Can you carefully consider what is reasonable enough to hope for without setting yourself up for disappointment and added mistrust?

I'm thinking about this in my own family. Ultimately, I will probably have to take the lead, as they are bit clueless but not necessarily unresponsive.

Thanks for sharing your concern and the meaning of brave steps.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#452123 - 11/01/13 01:52 AM Re: Redeveloping relationships [Re: Vedder32]
Vedder32 Offline


Registered: 03/09/13
Posts: 23
Loc: Kentucky,U..S.A
Thank you for all your responses, advice, and experience on this matter. I must admit I am extremely uncertain of what too do and am going to exercise a lot of caution and rational with this scenario.

However, my sister and her husband did visit me this past week as they made their yearly trip too see the family. It was ok seeing them and hearing about their progression in their life and I am happy for them but through out the conversation I was thinking " what a difference a new environment and getting away from negative people makes".

I am going to keep tabs on this and see how it goes but I am not going to invest anything at the moment except what it is...air over the tounge and sounds in the room.

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#452133 - 11/01/13 07:51 AM Re: Redeveloping relationships [Re: Vedder32]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 694
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Vedder,

This thread is good for me. I have had, maybe still have, absolutely no trust--because I have never been able to trust myself. Period. What I learned since infancy is completely self-destructive. Literally. I learned that any expression of an independent self would most likely get me hurt and could possibly get me killed. I learned to seek out people who were into psychological domination because that was all I knew. I learned to seek out people who were unable to see me or value me because that was also all I knew. I have been conscious of this for a few years now, but changing it is very difficult. It has been shifting incrementally for a long time, but there is still a ways to go before I will be able to trust myself. I frequently do not have a clue what is true for me, and when I go out in the world of people I have fear programs that kick in and completely blur any sense of me and I go on auto please mode.

This is changing for me, and I will most likely make another foray out in the world of people in the next two seeks. Good luck to you and wish me luck also. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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