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#451990 - 10/31/13 12:07 AM Is this a common emotion
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
In no way would I take my own life but as long as I can remember I did not care if I lived or died. I don't really care about much.

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#451992 - 10/31/13 12:41 AM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
I have often struggled with the idea that my life has been wrecked, needs scrapped. But I keep going forward on the belief that it is what we do with what we experience that measures us as men.

That, and a lot of leaning on my higher power. But yeah, I wouldn't harm myself but at least several times a month I go to bed praying to wake up in heaven as opposed to here.

So, regarding a fair bit of apathy about my continuation on planet earth, a big "me too."
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#452049 - 10/31/13 01:10 PM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1566
I understand where you are coming from. I too could not take my life, but sometimes I would pray when I went to sleep I would not wake the next morning. I just wanted the pain to go away. I am thankful I am here. I am finally feeling free of the abuse and enjoying life.

I do believe the emotion is common, but sadly many act on the emotion because the pain is too consuming. We were fortunate and now have the chance to live the life we deserve. I think of those that lost their lives because of their abuser and know our survival gives hope to others.

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#452051 - 10/31/13 01:27 PM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: KMCINVA]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Thanks

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#452056 - 10/31/13 04:05 PM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
It sounds like depression, and I would wager that, yes, it is common. Are you currently seeing a therapist or taking antidepressants?
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

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#452070 - 10/31/13 05:29 PM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
No T and no drugs. Working out like a mad man is my therapy. I don't feel depressed I just don't feel anything

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#452198 - 11/02/13 01:37 AM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
T and meds REALLY help. You should look into it; you owe it to yourself. A major misconception(probably #1) about depression is how the experience actually feels. People thinks it means being sad all the time, but depression is actually more like an emotional void. You experience no highs nor lows, the world looks grey, and purpose is found nowhere. Hobbies and old standbys are no longer beneficial. You wonder what's the point of even continuing. Does this sound familiar? Please get help, brother.
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

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#452236 - 11/02/13 12:48 PM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
Rich918 Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 45
When I got out of high school, I was told to go get a job. I didn't know the first thing about getting a job, but that was the order given in my home. Get a job, its time to contribute to the rent and bills. How do I this? What do I do? Where do I go for a job? What does that entail? Just do it! Show that you're worth something! Just get a job!

I was just pushed into the swimming pool and told to swim! I didn't have anyone to talk to about the steps involved. It gives me an overwhelming anxiety because I don't have these steps down pat; I'm still winging it. I had no one to practice interviews with, show me how to write a resume, give me suggestions on places to check, help fill out a few applications at home. Some of that I have now only through my own trial and error, but it would have been so much easier and more productive if someone helped to build even the slightest confidence.

Throughout my life, I've had to be my own parent. I am literally self-made (Hmm.. Frankenstein?). Being such makes my aloneness that much more pronounced. Intelligence is just a matter of researching and studying more, but emotions are a complete bewilderment. There are no manuals for that.

I've never had much of a sense of future, all my focus has been day to day for as long as I can remember. Everything based on where I am in relation to where I have been. I have no destination, per se. Based on what I have, I have no idea what to even reach for or even desire. All I really know is what I dont want in my life... that, I suppose, is my destination. When I get there, perhaps I shall see the existence of a future.

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#452254 - 11/02/13 04:52 PM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
The void does sound about right you make a lot of sense

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#452256 - 11/02/13 05:03 PM Re: Is this a common emotion [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Rich918
I hope you arrive in style when you get there. Your life and mine are somewhat similar. I deff don't have the answers to a lot of questions. Just don't know some times.

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