Guys, pretty hard to believe anyone is going to believe what I'm writing. Always been a problem for me.
Whenever I write out my experiences (or any
experience for that matter), I strive to be as accurate as I possibly can; which, for me, has been (erroneously) to eliminate as much emotion from it as I can without losing its message. I analyze it all to death from every possible angle which I can think to contort my mind to see it. Will others believe it? Would I believe it if I were “normal”? Hmm... maybe I could reword it with less emotion. Sanitize it for easier digestion.
When it comes time to send it off to my online therapist, I dont let my left hand know what my right hand is doing. I am looking into the prospect of a local therapist, but I'm not all that sure it would go well. Talking in person leaves no time to edit or filter out strong emotions or feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. What if I horrify her with my stories of the past? What if I repulse her by the ineptitude of even knowing how to live?
I know, I know... they are professionals, but they are also people. This is the first time I have ever sought therapy. I dont know what to expect... I dont know what is expected of me. Writing is one thing, but giving it an audible voice is quite another. I imagine it shall disintegrate into something quite incoherent, then I'll really be in for the ride of my life.