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#447504 - 09/18/13 12:37 AM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: CruxFidelis]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
I've been trying to think of some examples from everyday life that could illustrate what D.I.D. is like.

I think an 8-track tape might be an example. Suppose you are listening to an 8-track tape and you don't like the song being played. You hit the button and it switches to another track. Another song. The previous track is no longer there but it hasn't been erased. It can be played again later. It's like that.

Or, imagine a slide projector. The older type that threw light through a 2x2 image. When it's time to go to another image, just hit the button and a new slide comes into focus.

When a small child is in great distress, the child somehow "pushes the button" and a new track starts playing. As we become older, we lose the ability as we leave the realm of being a small child. Most will lose the ability to learn how to dissociate. What can cause enough distress to throw up another partition? Sexual abuse can. Or, physical abuse. The CIA used electric shock. Various types of torture can do it.

I have been realizing another trauma I experienced as a very small child. My mother was in some ways very insightful and she seemed to tell me things I would need to know "later". She had repeated several times that when I was a very small child I developed a severe ear infection. That was in the days before antibiotics had appeared. The infection behind my ear drum was building up dangerous and painful pressure. The doctor had her hold me down while he took a sharply pointed tool (a lance) and made a small cut in my ear drum. This allowed the pus to drain out. Would this have hurt? Extremely. I don't remember it consciously. But I feel certain that it was enough to start me on a path of "dissociation". When something became very painful I could switch to a new channel. Small children learn how to do it. They teach themselves.

Then when the sexual abuse started that I report in pufferfish story part 1, I already knew how to dissociate. It's as though a new compartment is thrown up and the intolerable emotions are stored in it. When the abuse is repeated time after time, the new compartment starts to become ornamented. New furniture is added (speaking figuratively of course) until the new room is livable. It can now be recognized as a livable room. As time goes on, the new room may acquire a separate name for itself, and separate ways to respond to the abuse and the memories of previous abuse. The partition between it and the original room prevents the two "rooms" from seeing each other. This is called "amnesia".

Then, when I was 12 years old, the abuse began that I report in pufferfish story part 5. It consisted of lots of sexual abuse and also physical torture. I wonder if the perpetrator had some way of recogizing that I already knew how to dissociate? That would make his job easier.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (09/18/13 12:43 AM)

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#447688 - 09/19/13 08:32 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: Blessedcurse]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 190
Loc: USA
Yes, in Olga Trujillo's book she mentioned 'rooms' in her mind, some decorated and some doors locked etc.

I don't have that sort of internal 'environment'

I don't know what sort of internal world there is, because I am not supposed to know I guess.

"they" are quite separate from my awareness. Unless one of them wants to convey something to me, but so far, it's them to me, not me to them.

They know I told them to go away when I was younger, but they only hid or slept for some years, and then I began to 'crash' mentally due to triggers waking at least one of them back up, and then another would push the other one aside and take over the body again, taking it wherever. Later I would wake up, 'cover' for the lost time, and try to go on with MY life.

But this book by Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts, is somewhat informative.

Another dynamic I have been reading about lately, is that Colin Ross now says, that D.I.D. is a psychotic disorder. Check it out it was on Youtube.com on a radio show with some Irish Radio host.

Perhaps D.I.D. is created out of a mental breakdown, or psychotic episode, that creates the delusions that one has alter personalities etc, I don't know. But if severe trauma or assault on a infant or child can create such a memory dysfunction, in that they 'shift' into thinking they are not in the body/mind, then dissociates into not feeling/seeing/hearing etc the trauma, could it create a variant form of schizophrenia, that is now called D.I.D.? Same bird, just different feathers...

How can a personality/ or state of being, with their own name, yet "thinks" they are younger than the body, conclude that they are younger than the body, when obviously the body is older? Or turn this around, in that a "part" thinks they are older than the body really is, biologically?

Therefore it would seem to be a delusional psychotic disorder, right?

Usually, alters/parts that are older than the body are 'protectors' and 'persecutor' alters are generally in between, and younger child "parts" are obviously, younger than the body biologically. But the perceptions of each is skewed and distorted. Perhaps because 'they' are internal and unaware of 'outside' time, therefore they age slower or faster' than the 'host' personality? It would seem to make sense, but while being outside/ in control of the body, wouldn't the younger or older personality actually come to realize just by looking at the body, that they are not, their stated ages, gender, etc?

This to me would indicate that it is on a dissociative/psychotic/delusional spectrum of mental impairment, of some kind akin to Schizophrenia, and that is why most D.I.D. people are often misdiagnosed?, as being Schizophrenic.

George

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#451591 - 10/28/13 04:25 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: GeorgeMartin]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
This afternoon I rediscovered the healing that comes through a particular type of resting. It seems that a good night's sleep is necessary but doesn't quite leave me feeling like I have achieved a healing rest. That's because I continue to heal from DID.

Periodically I sleep to music and I awaken feeling marvelously refreshed. I have found that (for me) Mozart is best. (favorite film Amadeus). I sleep in the car in a safe and quiet spot. I'm half-reclined. In that position my glottal passages don't close or flutter and I don't need a machine to support my breathing (CPAP not CRAP). I don't snore. I enter a deep sleep quickly. Part of my mind remains awake listening to Mozart. I can sometimes sleep a couple of hours like this. I awaken feeling as though I've had a healing rest. I feel as though the strabismus (eye sag), which is a symptom of traumatic dissociation, has achieved some degree of healing.

It seems as though the harmonics of beautiful music are healing to a torn mind. This is the opposite of how DID is created in young people. Sexual abuse and torture create DID in the young. Yes I know from experience. The CIA now uses a type of harmonics (controlled vibration of the brain) to create DID in children*. I don't know any details of this but it must be the opposite of what happens when I sleep while listening to Mozart. If they used that knowledge to bring healing it would be a wonderful thing.

It makes sense to me that if destructive vibrations (harmonics) can set up a diseased state in the mind, that musical vibrations can do just the opposite, that is bring healing.

If you've seen the movie Amadeus, you might remember the scene when Mozart rushes into the large room yelling, 'They've started without me' and they are playing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNJlwRGUVm0

Puffer

* I can provide a reference on this if anybody is interested.


Edited by pufferfish (10/28/13 08:44 PM)

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#459875 - 02/01/14 12:34 AM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Every example of DID is different. Because of this it is with some hesitancy that I offer this link. But it's something that I think needs to be discussed.

The video is the Dr. Phil show. Dr. Phil is interviewing a lady with DID or Multiple Personality Disorder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpvYvtmhkZE

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (02/01/14 01:06 AM)

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#459876 - 02/01/14 01:06 AM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: Blessedcurse]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I sleep in a car and wake rested and refreshed Puffer. It is very relaxing. I also find going to sleep while listening to a reading of the Bible disconnects me from anxious thoughts. I do not have a D.I.D. diagnosis, but I have suffered from the symptoms. I have experienced alters. I have also witnessed a switch, or transfer while I was communicating with another survivor.

Thank you for continuing to keep this very real disorder in front of us Puffer,

Sam
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