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#451311 - 10/26/13 12:18 AM Protecting Innocence
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
All is well! So sayeth das Riech! Keep moving, nothing to see here.


Edited by Still (10/27/13 12:54 PM)
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This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#451331 - 10/26/13 10:42 AM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Still]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Who is "they" and who are "we"?
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My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#451336 - 10/26/13 11:15 AM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Still]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1106
Loc: The ATL

Hi Still. I understand your frustration but I'm not sure there is much that can be done that isn't already being done. Sure, we can push for harsher penalties for predators, and I'm all for that, but that doesn't fix the problem. That won't stop any CSA before it happens, only after. CSA is a problem in our species that has surely existed since the dawn of mankind and will probably never go away completely. The good news is, that people are more aware of it than ever before and more is being done than ever before to understand it and to fight it. There is progress being made, and I think progress will continue to be made, but I don't think the problem will ever be solved and I don't think it ever can be.

For example, as you pointed out in your post, we know what turns a pedophile on and we mostly understand how they operate but that doesn't help us knowing who they are before they've been caught abusing someone because it goes on in secret. We can't read peoples minds and, even if we could, you can't arrest someone who hasn't committed a crime yet and once the crime has been committed, it's to late. What's more, not all CSA is committed by pedophiles. A lot of the guys here, myself included, were traumatized by people that weren't adult or teen pedophiles at all. (My first abusers were two teenage girls but I don't think they genuinely classified as pedophiles, just fucked-up kids.)

Anyway, like I said, I think your frustration and your feelings on this are valid and I get it, I'm just not sure that there are any right answers to the questions you bring up. Or any answers at all, for that matter. I know it's hard to accept, but that's just the harsh reality of the issue. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#451340 - 10/26/13 11:27 AM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Still]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 730
Loc: NJ
Ken Singer often talked here about the term or characteristics of true pedophiles.... the data, I believe, shows most perpetrators are NOT pedophiles.

perpetrator does Not equal pedophile.

I'm no friend of either, but my brother is a perpetrator not a pedophile.

my suggestion, which I'm sure is unwelcome to you, is to stop watching the news, looking up stuff on the web and give your brain a break from the hate and hurt out there.


Edited by Castle (10/26/13 11:29 AM)
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My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#451348 - 10/26/13 02:08 PM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Still]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 205
Loc: Southeast US
Hi Still,

I can see your anguish in your post, and it is sad that abuse still goes on in such an "enlightened" age.

Quote:
Or am I asking too much to expect change and black-n-white protection of innocence


I don't want to be a downer in this, but I think you are asking too much. Human nature is still human nature and even the most vile conduct can't be stopped if someone has it in their mind and heart to commit an act of abuse. I think the media is doing a much better job of making folks aware of CSA but that doesn't stop it. As BraveFalcon pointed out, you can't pre-arrest someone because they may abuse.
One solution might be to have all parents prepare their children to be able to defend against abuse, or teach them how to deal with it effectively. But for so many reasons "that ain't gonna happen."
I think the best we can do is keep plugging away, and keep making more and more people aware that it's a real problem, and it needs to be dealt with NOW. Not just when the subject makes front page news.

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#451375 - 10/26/13 07:45 PM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: SoccerStar]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
Who is "they" and who are "we"?


I officially don't know or don't recall


Edited by Still (10/27/13 01:18 PM)
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This nation has lost its mind!

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#451376 - 10/26/13 07:47 PM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Castle]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
The grand societie has done all. There are no more problems und 1 in 6 ist eina myth!


Edited by Still (10/27/13 12:58 PM)
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#451377 - 10/26/13 08:35 PM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Still]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 691
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Just some questions? Who says we are a very evolved species? Why do we believe that hurting people who have hurt us is a good idea? Might someone who damaged us as we have been damaged be very damaged themselves? Does a damaged person deserve to be hurt and punished?

My parents did considerable damage to me. At 64 I still do not have a unified sense of self. I continue to work on myself. But my parents are/were very damaged people. I completely severed relations with my family of origin 11 years ago. I will never in this life have anything to do with them. The whole family system is incredibly sick. Leaving them was the beginning of a healing process for me. But, I send them love and forgiveness. It doesn't feel personal to me. They do not have a clue who I am and did not have a clue who they were. They were trapped in a very damaged version of themselves, and in their early 70's were still trapped there. I do not feel they deserve to be punished. If they are harming people, I really pray the universe will find a way to put them in time out so they do not hurt anyone else. But, I feel as long as humans believe that hurting sick people is an appropriate treatment, I feel we just keep people trapped in sickness. I feel the same way about prison populations. As long as we feel we need to hurt people, I don't see any way out of the cycle. I don't have any answers. But, I have a lot of questions. I really do believe that loving responses can be developed to tragic situations. I'm no Eienstein, but I believe there are plenty around. But, how do we change centuries of beliefs about an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. It seems to me that only blinds everyone and leaves everyone toothless....Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#451385 - 10/26/13 10:13 PM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Still]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
Abuse happens in the dark, and often stay there until the survivor is able or forced to finally address what the person(s) perpetrated against them. In recent discussions with other very brave survivors I noticed a consistent theme in most of our stories: there were other adults who had the opportunity to step in but didn't. Some knew what was going on and turned a blind eye and others failed to ask the right question. Many of us still struggle with the fact we did not tell, but to me this is simply another way we accept the perps guilt. We did not have the faculties we have now to see past the lies and threats.

Children are dependent upon adults for safety and I think the key to prevention is ensuring that adult stop failing children. It's neccesary to teach children about the dangers, but that is not enough. A child is not going to tell like they have been taught they should if faced with a perps threat that telling means someone will kill their family.

So we have to raise awareness of the issue, dispel the myths, and set policies to protect children. There has been progress - many organizations require adults submit to background checks, attend manadatory training on abuse, and maintain policies that ensures children are not left alone in the presence of a single adult

One of the WOR volunteers made a compelling point last week - there are other organizations that have made a significant impact on problems in a relatively short period of time - specifically Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Since forming in 1980, MADD has made a significant dent in drunk driving through activism, education, and lobbying for tougher laws and enforcement. I think anyone who has ever seen one of its commercials can attest to the frankness of its national message and they are just effective on a local level. It's one thing to hear that drunk driving, but it's another to put a mangled car involved in a DUI accident at the front of a high school for a week. I will tell you seeing that car when I was 15 got the message across to me and a lot of others. While they did not stop drunk driving, I think they made a hell of a dent.

I think MADD shows that its possible to achieve significant change in a short period of time. So how do we speak out and up? I think many of us would be willing to be that mangled car if it helped prevent someone from abusing a single child. How do we get there?
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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#451389 - 10/26/13 11:40 PM Re: Protecting Innocence [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
my mistakenzie. its all a myth. there is no 1 in 6 and CSA is no problem!!


Edited by Still (10/27/13 01:01 PM)
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This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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