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#451252 - 10/25/13 07:57 AM Socialy Creepy
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6399
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I need to ask this of both genders and those not feeling insecure about social protocol.

"Cute Kid!" or "oh! He's such a little cutie."

When graphic arts people with whom I work, would sometimes have to work kids into marketing material I was responsible for. So the term "cute" would come up in conversation with these people when dealing with child models.

Who's "cute," or "who's not cute enough?" Or maybe "she's just not the 'chill blondie I was thinking we would have." "Nah...he's really cute, but does not have a studious look about him." "OH! This little guy is SO cute! I love little boys in glasses" said a female graphic arts person.

First: these conversations and the nature of this work would flip me right the farg out! First, they are 'child models.' So they are employed or rejected upon their look??? That gives me the creeps, because that indicates to me, some animal, primal instinct is processing a child's face, body, eyes, etc., into some degree of appeal.

Second: The child is put in that position for being "liked or wanted" based upon his/her appearance. That's WAY to heavy for me to accept.

Third: What is this word "cute," and what does it mean? What does it really, truly mean to the adult looking at the child...saying those words.

A pedophile is sexually 'turned-on' by children. Some claim to have a 'type' of child, or an age-band they like to target. They drool over the 'looks of a kid.'

In adulthood, (or MY adulthood), my perceived interpretation of "cute" and "pedo-hot" look like the same application. Its FAR too creepy for me. I don't 'get it' as a legitimate adult valuation of a kid.

As a child, I recall never thinking in any way, shape or form that any peer was "cuter" than others. I did not see anyone as "cute." We were just kids. Even now as a parent, I refuse to use the term and I just don't 'get' when, where, or why I would do so.

So if anyone wants to hop in and help explain this cute concept, it would be awesome, as I genuinely don't get it.
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#451259 - 10/25/13 09:18 AM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: Still]
Obi Offline
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Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1307
Loc: kansas
i guess, to me anyway, it depends on the situation as to how the word "cute" is being used.

for instance, i've always found that an adult saying "cute" to another adult as being the kiss of death kind of thing.. like i used to get from some women.. oh, he's cute... i don't want to be cute.. i want to be handsome, kind of thing... guess, it always meant that i wasn't dateable, relationship material.

when it refers to a child, i've always seen the term "cute" more as an "innocent" look/action or whatever... i guess i've always seen it as a way to describe innocence in a child, or even pets... like, "look at that cute puppy."...

jmo...


Edited by Obi (10/25/13 09:36 AM)
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#451295 - 10/25/13 07:16 PM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: Still]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 255
Loc: us
For me as a chick if something it cute it means that it ignites my nurturing instincts. Be it a puppy or a kid. "Oh your little boy is so cute! I just want to pick him up and snuggle him".
And obi is right when it comes to men that are cute. If I thought a man was cute I would want to be his friend. Help him style his hair for a date. Etc. It means my attraction to them is a nuturing attraction not a sexual one. It means I see you as a little brother not a lover.
I can understand the confusion. When CSA happend it totally perverts the lines and boundries of healthy attraction and affection.
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#451306 - 10/25/13 10:33 PM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: HD001]
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6399
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: HD001
When CSA happend it totally perverts the lines and boundries of healthy attraction and affection.


Yer right. It does wipe out any hope for seeing things like "cute" the way they should be seen. I'm guessing I've always been creeped-out by it with adults calling kids "cute" because I see it as a preamble to seduction.

This all just sucks.
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#451353 - 10/26/13 02:38 PM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: Still]
pufferfish Offline
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Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6843
Loc: USA
I agree.

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#451439 - 10/27/13 01:06 PM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: pufferfish]
Still Offline
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Originally Posted By: pufferfish
I agree.



You can't agree. I'm wrong!
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#451822 - 10/30/13 08:47 AM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: HD001]
Jacob S Offline
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Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Originally Posted By: HD001
For me as a chick if something it cute it means that it ignites my nurturing instincts. Be it a puppy or a kid. "Oh your little boy is so cute! I just want to pick him up and snuggle him".
And obi is right when it comes to men that are cute. If I thought a man was cute I would want to be his friend. Help him style his hair for a date. Etc. It means my attraction to them is a nuturing attraction not a sexual one. It means I see you as a little brother not a lover.
I can understand the confusion. When CSA happend it totally perverts the lines and boundries of healthy attraction and affection.


"nurturing attraction." That's a good term and a helpful clue to us who struggle with just being paranoid of everyone who takes an interest in children.
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#451860 - 10/30/13 02:38 PM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: Jacob S]
pufferfish Offline
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Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6843
Loc: USA
Thank you Still, this is an "acute" issue. (pun intended)

I was in a store a few days ago and overheard some ladies pointing out a little boy of whom they said: 'Oh...he's so CUTE'. With halloween approaching kids will be wearing "cute" costumes. The word "cute" will become common. My grandson is going to be wearing a slug costume: I've seen pictures and yes it is cute.

I was sexually abused before I even became 4 years old. Then the perpetrator volunteered to watch me on Saturday and overnight until Sunday so that my mother 'could have a day off'. Of course he had nefarious ideas about what he was going to do. He had a little boy a couple years older than I was and he borrowed a movie camera from the studio where he worked. The rest is history...

So, I think that lots of old ladies around that time said I was 'cute'. I have vague memories of it. One of the effects of the csa I was receiving was to hate my own body and my "image". The pictures made of me in that time frame seemed ugly to me. In my own self concept I had lost whatever made me 'cute'. I had become ugly. The ugly duckling. The black swan. The Pinocchio who wasn't a real boy. Cuteness became something I wished I had.

It's taken some years of therapy for me to be able to start accepting myself and to be able to see pictures of myself as a boy without saying inwardly, 'yuck, what an ugly little boy'.

Puffer

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#452075 - 10/31/13 07:02 PM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: Still]
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6399
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations

But I Still can't deal with "cute." I Still think of it as a pedo-term of targeting or objectifying the child. I guess I see the word "cute" as a sister to "hot."

Yup...that's it exactly. Like not being able to look at my pictures of child-me, I can't even say "cute" without feeling like a perv.
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#452100 - 10/31/13 09:41 PM Re: Socialy Creepy [Re: Still]
Esposa Offline
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Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 678
Loc: NJ
For me, the tone delivered with cute is what is important - not so much the word.

I have used cute to describe a child - OH MY GOSH! Look at him in his costume, he's sooo cute. (higher voice register)

And I have used cute for other things - WOW, he's cute (with an emphasis on cute and not on SOOOOOO) if you get what I mean.

But I can't help but feel the burden that you men carry as I read your dilemma with this seemingly benign word ;(

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