I went back and tried to find some of your old posts so that I could better understand your family situation. I wanted to be able to give you more feedback than just "that sucks man sorry."
I feel like I still don't know much about what happened but my feedback it based on the little bit I found in some older posts.
It sounds like for along time you weren't being yourself but instead the version of who you felt you needed to be to "Make it" in life. When your true self emerged everything seemed to crumble around you. Perhaps this is because the life you created was a life based on the guy you were pretending to be instead of your true self. It wasn't your life it was his. So many illusions tied together one by one crashing into the ocean.
I can only imagine how terrifying this was for you. How much pain must have come rushing forward all at once, and yet you are still here, still fighting.
I'm not going to tell that it's not your fault, I don't know what happened or who did what, said what, etc. I will tell you that it isn't fair though. That perhaps if as a small boy you were allowed to grow and not be hurt by abuse that perhaps you would not be suffering so much loss. But as we all know life has a way of beating the shit out of most of us in one form or another and most of the time we didn't do anything to deserve it.
We will all fail, we will all suffer loss and pain, many of us will make big mistakes that we wish we undo, but these are not the things that define us.
What defines us is if we choose to handle our mistakes, how we handle what life throws at us, and if we choose to let life's storms make us better instead of bitter.
Perhaps all that you have recently lost in your life you lost because you where changing and evolving. Perhaps it is making room for something better. Perhaps there is another woman you will someday meet who will be able to love the real you in a way you never thought possible. Maybe the things you can learn from this heartbreak are preparing you so that so will be ready. Maybe being alone right now, as painful as it is, will move you more towards being the man you want to be.
Please don't take my ideas as being callous. I don't mean to sound that way at all. When I got divorced it was really hard for me. I felt like a failure. I had to try to find the silver lining about what happened so that I could move forward with my life. Anger, Pain, and loss are a force that propel us in whatever direction we choose either forward or backward.
Don't give up. Keep healing, you are worth it.
Everything comes from within