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#450733 - 10/21/13 01:27 AM just wondering
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3511
Loc: somewhere in Africa
does anyone else stutter when trying to talk about their CSA experiences? this is a new development for me - but then again - i haven't been talking about it that much before! i don't usually have any problem with stuttering - but suddenly - though i want to let it out - the words don't want to come out...

LEE
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As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#450734 - 10/21/13 02:30 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
I don't stutter. But my sentence structure goes all to hell as I try and talk about it. I stop in mid-sentence, back up, try again, and get distracted by one memory, thought, or tangent after another. It's understandable but annoying as I am generally an effective communicator.
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We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#450738 - 10/21/13 04:48 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
I don't stutter, but my tone becomes very cold and clinical, almost a monnotone, indeed one counseler accused me of describing my sa as if it were a science experiment. This however I understand, since the main characteristic of my sa was me shutting down and disconnecting my mind from what was being done to my body.

One thing I will say though is if I try to say the word s/x or indeed anything to do with it, I can't get the word out. I stutter a couple of times, then take a wild stab and over emphasise. This for me is very odd since as you might gather from what I write here, I like words! laugh.

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#450775 - 10/21/13 09:44 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
When I first started therapy or first started talking about this to my wife, yes, the stuttering was awful. Like an extra cherry of malfunctioning humiliation on top. There are too many emotions hitting all at once, you are consumed by self-consciousness and fear, it just feels so abnormal to talk about something that was a secret for so long, you want to get it over with but the faster you try to go, the more you stumble when you say it.

For the most part gone now, it comes back if I get ambushed by sudden questions (I've told people they need to "pre-question" me so I know to be ready to discuss it) or heavy triggers.
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My story

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#450782 - 10/21/13 10:11 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
Banjo596 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 44
Loc: Ohio
Lee, hearing you talk, and the considering the things you were talking about, it was very understandable to me that you might "trip" over a word or two.
I think I tend to go on auto-pilot a bit as a way to control my emotions and attempt to distance myself from them a bit as I can get very emotional.
I think getting it out in any way that you can is far more important than the actually delivery itself.
I doubt that you are, but I hope you are not self conscious of that very slight stutter or tripping over your words you experienced. It felt very right to me under the circumstances, Peace smile
Jeff
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Jeff

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#450797 - 10/21/13 11:30 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3511
Loc: somewhere in Africa
thanks, men.

thinking more about it, i guess it is not surprising that the volume of stuff that has been held back like a huge reservoir behind a dam for so many years has a hard time getting through the small opening of my mouth when it is finally released. especially when there was so much pressure not to tell - both spoken and implicit - both from the perps threats and from my own sense of shame and society's taboos. trying not to be overly anxious about it - but to slow down and let it flow. thank goodness it only seems to kick in when i am really stressed.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#450965 - 10/22/13 10:26 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
i sounds to me that you have entered the awarness stage of recovery and it that it the case, while not very comfortable, i learned to embrass it but in the context of recovery. it was not a bad place to be. and yes i shuttered to but my trip though recovery made it all worth while.

stay strong.

my blog: justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com (copy and paste)

rich
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#451316 - 10/26/13 01:58 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
scottyg Offline


Registered: 06/26/12
Posts: 253
Loc: Seattle
Hey Lee.No i don't stutter 'cause it rarely comes up. We talk about male sexual abuse less than we talk about what's for dinner at the Donner Camp
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And many other things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could -but I've borrowed it.

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#451319 - 10/26/13 07:43 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3511
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Scotty! - long time, no see!

how you d-d-d-d-d-doing?

LEE


Edited by traveler (10/26/13 07:50 AM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#451335 - 10/26/13 11:09 AM Re: just wondering [Re: traveler]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hello Scotty,
man we miss you here wink

Pero
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My story

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