I had spinal surgery back in January. I knew they would knock me out, cut my neck open, move the muscles, extract a disc and part of a vertebrae, use a bone hammer to install a cadaver bone, fix a titanium plate with four screws to my spine and sew me up. I had to sign my name to a form that said the surgery had a (small) risk of death, paralysis, swallowing problems, and possible (though short term) loss of speech.
WOR starts today, and I think I have been more nervous about it than I was before my surgery . Last night, I had a nightmare where I showed up only to find out my perp was there. He was exactly how he was 25 years ago. And while I know that it is impossible, I did think about calling Dr. Fradkin to confirm my perp was not on the participant list.
Despite the fear and anxiety I remain hopeful for this weekend and look forward to meeting other survivors in person for the first time. Fragile, but hopeful.
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"