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#445037 - 08/21/13 11:28 PM incredible experience
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
this past few days i have been visiting my best friend from my college/university days - one of my few and bestest friends ever. we last had a true heart-to-heart talk 40 years ago - and have seen each other only once since - and that was 13 years ago. i was planning on telling him my whole life story - including all the lost episodes that i did not even remember when last we were together - specifically the CSA stuff and all the recent drama since the memories began to resurface. i was expecting it to be difficult - but i knew that if anyone would listen, understand, not judge or reject me - and still accept me, he would.

well - i was wrong about one thing - and right about the other. within an hour of being reunited, he told me without a blush or a stammer - that he had been abused as a boy. i immediately said - "me too!"

later - i was able to relate the whole story. it was NOT difficult. and he WAS supportive. our friendship is better than ever. this is like the cherry on top - of all the earlier healing experiences with other issues from my past on this trip.

tomorrow will be another BIG deal - i hope to find my real father's grave - that i have never been to. he was buried on my third birthday. i hope that will bring a sense of peace to another wounded area of my heart.

just had to share the incredible news, guys.
thanks for going along on this amazing journey with me.
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#445052 - 08/22/13 12:54 AM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Lee,
Although it is terrible that both you and your friend went though that, I am glad you had the chance to share that with each other.
Very recently I wrote a letter to my group of 5 close friends, exposing my secret.
To a man, they expressed their unwavering support for me, and considered it an incredible act of courage.
I won't hijack your thread, but may post that letter on MS one day.
Writing that letter had me wrought with fear. Mailing that letter was worse. However, after receiving the responses I did, it is now one of my proudest and emotionally affirming things I've ever experienced.

Keep well
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#445073 - 08/22/13 07:41 AM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Lee,
wow, what a good and positive experience to connect in such way with your friend. That is awesome!

Let us updated about your journey into the past.


Pero
_________________________
My story

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#445076 - 08/22/13 08:11 AM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
There is something very special about having a friend accept you and support you after you tell them.

Perhaps because it was a gesture of trust you didn't really need to make. Perhaps because people tend to be calmer, held to fewer expectations, when around friends than when with family - and so the truth can be built into an already calm and accepting dynamic.

Either way I'm overjoyed you experienced this and have this guy in your corner - though of course, sorry that he'd gotten it too.

I know telling my closest guy friend (20+ years) was immensely positive and in a way freed me from feeling like I'd been consciously lying and withholding from him.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#445085 - 08/22/13 09:59 AM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
Lee,

THANK YOU for letting us come along. Seeing a journey like this and how healing it can be could inspire others to do the same thing and make their lives richer. I wonder if survivors often end up friends even when they don't know about each others abuse. My guess is that we do because we see ourselves in the friend and are drawn to that connection. Now if we just talked about the abuse more often in our society...

Very cool and very happy for you my friend. Keep sharing.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#445090 - 08/22/13 10:38 AM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 226
Loc: California
Lee,

Thanks for sharing this uplifting experience. I have a really good friend who I instantly connected with when we met. Turns out we both were CSA survivors, and kind of instinctively knew that about each other. One of my very best friends and confidants to this day.

It is such a miraculous feeling when you connect like this with someone over the years. Glad you got to experience this with another person.
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#445098 - 08/22/13 11:35 AM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:54 PM)

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#445163 - 08/22/13 08:38 PM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1144
Loc: The ATL

Hi Lee. I've come to believe that survivors and other damaged individuals seem to have a way of finding each other, even when they don't mean to and sometimes without realizing right away that they have. I have a dear friend whom I've been close with since ninth grade and I disclosed my abuse to him when I was probably 20 or 21. (Although he was not the first person I disclosed to.) Years after that, he disclosed to me that he believes he may have been sexually abused when he was very young but doesn't remember it. All the signs are there though. It is true that people have a kind of subconscious antenna and we use those antenna to find people we can connect with.

Good luck finding your father's grave. I trust you will let us all know how that turns out. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#445239 - 08/23/13 08:41 AM Re: incredible experience [Re: BraveFalcon]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Thank you all for the kind thoughts.

Originally Posted By: BraveFalcon


Good luck finding your father's grave. I trust you will let us all know how that turns out. Take care. Peace,

Ken


i did find it on line.

i went there.

it was important and moving for me.

i am still sorting it out and trying to put it all into words and identify the feelings and realizations.
i will tell you about it later - once i have it figured out.

thank you all for being here.
it is a big comfort - even when i don't fully understand.
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#445271 - 08/23/13 04:38 PM Re: incredible experience [Re: traveler]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Lee-

What a wonderful man you are and what a wonderful gift you have shared with us as you are making this journey. The instant connection with you friend, his sharing of the abuse, your sharing of the abuse- it just teared me up because you have touched me on that level.

And when you were destined and then went to your dad's grave site, I cried a bit. Just for you. And for your dad, who loved you as his boy. I am hoping that the healing that takes place after you have sorted through all of this leaves you whole and happy. And we will never, as men of the earth, understand all that unfolds in our lives. We just won't. But you are proof that we can find comfort in reaching back for the good things. The things that brought us comfort. Things and people that reminded us we were loved. My continued best, Lee.

bill
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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