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#450030 - 10/13/13 08:13 AM Different seasons and mental state?
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1927
Loc: durham, north england
I don't know why, but for some reason for me, the hardest times of the year are when it gets to late spring and summer. When the sun is out, particularly in the late afternoon blazing away, (there is a certain time of day and an angle of sunlight on the wall I actively avoid for how it makes me feel).

Now, when nights are drawing in or when I'm in my flat with the windows closed and rain drumming down (as is happening now), I feel better, feel safe.

Even when in 2010 I had three feet of snow, so much I couldn't get out the door for a fortnight despite being in the middle of town, and my heating went (it got so cold all the stuff in my fridge froze solid), I didn't feel badly affected.

I have no idea why. my abuse was pretty much any and all seasons school was in session, indeed if anything summer should be the best time, since that was one time I never! experienced sa at all. Likewise, the shock that caused me to go into recovery happened on Noveumber the eleventh 2007, (yes, on rememberence day, there's irony). Also, all the neurological research on vitamin D production, serotonine and sunlight says winter should be the worst! time of year.

Maybe it's my scotish ancestry, --- or my hobbit ancestry come to that laugh. Maybe it's just that having been in university for the last 12 years and in school before that, I'm used to thinking that the year starts in September, so this grey autumn weather feels ike a new start to me.

Can anyone relate, since this is weerd indeed!

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#450033 - 10/13/13 08:43 AM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
yeah, I'm opposite though. I'm happiest spring through fall. Winter I appreciate, but the combo of the sun setting earlier and the weather getting really cold take their toll on me. Even with heat on, during the winter I just don't move around as well as I do in the summer (at least in consideration of sports), and that makes me crazy.

I'm also somebody who feels really at peace when everything is nice and green. Fall is very pretty when the leaves change, but I miss all that green that's around here in the spring and summer.

My SA used to personally happen between Thanksgiving and Easter every year, but I find that doesn't have much to do with it unless it happens to be Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter. We'll see what happens this year - I've been trying to adopt a more Buddhist perspective in my life, and a big part of that is presence. In other words, not worrying obsessively about what to do in the future and not letting my past control the decisions I make right now.

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#450034 - 10/13/13 08:47 AM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I'm going with your hobbit ancestry smile

Maybe a particularly melancholy hobbit?

Maybe it is just a part of who you are aside of any CSA?
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#450041 - 10/13/13 09:56 AM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3317
Loc: back in the USA
i like spring - seems hopeful.
summer bores me.
i LOVE autumn - suits my melancholy temperament.
winter depresses me.
lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#450050 - 10/13/13 11:44 AM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1927
Loc: durham, north england
Lol Lee, perhaps, but Frodo was! quite a melancholy hobbit, and even Bilbo had his moments.

The odd thing is I do! appreciate green plants, bright flowers etc, indeed I love the fact that I live on a road with grass and trees and can lie in bed and listen to the sound of the birds, or hear the owl when I let my dog out at night. There is just something! about the afternoon sun of summer and all those long days that gets to me, and likewise something about being inside listening to the autumn rain, or getting up in the dark before dawn that makes me feel safe and in control, heck, I even like wearing my huge thick leather overcoat and walking in the rain, then coming back in and sitting down beside the fire with a pot of tea as I hear it raining outside.

Then again, if this is! the case, I've chosen the right place to live since Durham is right up on the scotish boarder and dam near on the artic circle laugh.

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#450056 - 10/13/13 03:04 PM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 467
Loc: UK
I am the same late spring and summer are the worst times of the year for me, before any therapy when I was very depressed I would always feel suicidal in May/June. I have never been able to figure out why. I did grow up in a pretty dark part of Ireland but when I was living there late spring had the same effect. First time I have come across a fellow sufferer. laugh

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#450062 - 10/13/13 03:37 PM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
For me
-@17 years old I was abused at a scout camp that was at high altitude, it got extremely cold at night. I would wake up cold freezing with my sleeping bag unzipped, because my blanket would make it impossible for him to re-zip it after he pulled it aside to abuse me as I slept.

-@8 years old I was raped in the middle of winter, and when his son untied me I ran outside.

All my life cold has affected me. Winters are bad... I would get panic attacks more often in winter even when the memories where amnesic, and now the memories are not amnesic I have flash backs instead. These drive me crazy...
_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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#450088 - 10/13/13 06:41 PM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1927
Loc: durham, north england
@Rustam, as I said I don't have an explaanation for this, indeed even the usual seasonal affected disorder doesn't work, it's a little whacky! yet I just realized today when it really got chilly and the rain started hammering how good I felt just to hear it and see that overcast dark rey sky.

@Napoleonthat is utterly understandable, cold for you is a trigger, the way cigarette smoke, cheap perfume and 90's girl pop affect me, is this why you chose your monica on these boards? The Emperor of France didn't do well with the cold either by all accounts laugh.

The good news is these things do get better, or at least more manageable. If I heard the spicegirls or beautiful south on the radio a few years ago it'd knock me out for a day and likely give me nightmares. Now, it just feels extremely uncomfortable, and only while it's playing, it doesn't have the lasting after effects.

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#450091 - 10/13/13 06:58 PM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
Not to hijack this thread, but answer Dark_Empathy: The choice is an author who wrote a book called the "law of success" in the early 1900's. That was before the flashbacks started. I was very much into it when I started here... Now - I am a different person all together.
_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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#450100 - 10/13/13 09:12 PM Re: Different seasons and mental state? [Re: dark empathy]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 145
Loc: Virginia
dark empathy, sounds good to me. I think there are worse things than sitting in your own flat with a pot of tea listening to the rain on the windows. Given where you live, I'm glad that works for you!

When my csa happened, I was living in an area of the U.S. that was cold and overcast most of the year. It really only got sunny in July and August-- the rest of the time it was overcast until about 11:00 am and the fog rolled in around 3:00 pm. I haven't figured out if my aversion to that kind of weather is related to the csa.

No worries. I wish I could enjoy the rain, etc. as much as you do! I think the short answer is everyone's got weather they love and weather they hate. Hang in there and enjoy the rain.

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