The pressure to perform and to acclimate in academia is bad enough, but coming across the 'pond' with those expectations, well, I have anxiety about that and I did not have to do that. Sexual abuse makes everything we do feel bigger than we are and projects itself onto every injustice or unfairness. We were overwhelmed and controlled so that must be the way the world works, so we try it, but as empaths, well, we just are not cut out to be that way. So it goes.
Peace? It is there, it is illusive. Peace comes from our own internal healer being allowed to calm us, to slow the chaotic thoughts and the frayed feelings. Make things right? Only in the present can we change. Nothing in the past but history lessons, learning to see we did our best gives us the confidence to change. Hope, anticipate good things in the future.
No, it does not come at once. I have been in recovery as a sexually abused male for almost four years. The first thing I did? Posted manuscripts in here. Thankfully the other male survivors and supporters responded with their experiences, their successes and their empathy. I hope my support tells you that you are a good person and worthy of healing.
I look forward to your posting,