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#449956 - 10/12/13 04:43 PM !
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 10:02 PM)

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#454176 - 11/17/13 07:48 PM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1125
Loc: New York
Hey Gary,

I just saw this thread now. Yeah I remember the story as it hit the papers and airwaves. I didn't remember the place or the date but I remember the story very vividly. I imagined that things would have changed by now at least a little.

I wanted to discuss some of the reasons why he was killed but I think that would be a too hot a topic for me to word correctly as not to knock someone else's way of life. But I would be very scared to visit that part of the country and that shouldn't be.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#454187 - 11/17/13 10:49 PM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
don64 Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 358
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
My heart breaks every time I revisit this.

And, lapchinj, discussing beliefs and attitudes seem healthy things to discuss. But, saying you are afraid you might inadvertently knock someone else's way of life on a forum for gay men by discussing the REASONS why a gay man was killed does feel insensitive to me. I can think of no reasons for killing anyone.

If you were afraid the topic was too charged to bring up, why not check it out with a moderator before hand, instead of bringing it up anyway in the way that you did? Again, a sensitivity issue.

Don

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#454195 - 11/18/13 12:38 AM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1125
Loc: New York
Hey Don,

I wanted to open up this thread to more discussion by commenting on Gary's post. This has a been a dead thread for 5 days and I think that it was important enough to have gotten some more attention. I had written a whole lot more before I erased it only because I didn't possess the correct wording to explain what my line of thinking was. I cannot think of a reason to kill anyone either, but I don't think what I said or didn't say was being insensitive. Do you? I didn't mean to come off that way.

Checking it out with the moderators was not an option, instead I just deleted what I thought people might feel inappropriate. I was trying not to attract comments that would prevent me from continuing to comment on a topic. I guess I failed in that respect. I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else with my post. You will notice that I do not start many threads at all, as a matter of fact almost none. I don't think that that's insensitive, it's just one of my hangups of which I have many.

Well I did accomplish opening up this thread to comments just not the way I would have liked. I'll leave the rest of this thread to you and Gary and anyone else that comes.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#454197 - 11/18/13 12:58 AM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
don64 Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 358
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi lapchinj. I am not trying to run you off. As a 64 year old gay man I am extremely sensitive about violence to gay men. If I do not express my feelings I can not have an interaction. Expressing my sensitivity does not mean that I do not want to talk. As a matter of fact, I think it likely that the only way important issues can be embraced is by a willingness for caring people to remain engaged. My suspicion is and was that you did not intend to do harm, however I was extremely affected by your use of the words "reasons for..." That doesn't mean you intended any harm. It does mean I am very sensitive. I was born and 'raised' in the rural south. Being gay in the rural south could be a death sentence. Many behaviors of gay men and SA survivors are dangerous. Mix that with cultural and societal beliefs that can be/have been very judgmental to gay men and a dangerous situation can become a lethal situation. I have been in many lethal situations and am grateful I am still here to learn.

So, I think what you wanted to discuss IS important. I think beliefs wind up being the undoing of us all. And, the only way we can grow and hope to have input on expanding our perceptions and acceptance of each other is to dialogue. I am willing.

Don

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#454199 - 11/18/13 01:29 AM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lostinmt Offline


Registered: 10/11/13
Posts: 13

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#454207 - 11/18/13 06:23 AM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
don64 Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 358
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi lostinmt. Trust is a massive issue for me, largely because I have never been able to trust myself. Reading the article in your post reminds me that the one place it is essential that I trust is myself. The only thing I can think of for me is to keep on bringing down the walls of misinformation inside myself as efficiently as I can, and when I make mistakes to correct them as soon as I can. Thanks for sharing the info. Don

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#454208 - 11/18/13 06:24 AM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1125
Loc: New York
Hey Don,

I know that the south was not very hospitable like you say. When I was a child (around 8) and my parents drove to Florida to visit my grandparents in the '50s we stopped at a gas station somewhere in Georgia, I really don't remember too well exactly where, but while they were filling up the car my father went to get the key to the toilet. I couldn't use the white toilet so my father asked for the key to the black toilet. The owner said I couldn't use either one because we were jewish, I have no idea how he knew. So my father took me into the woods and I squatted next to a tree and took a shit and piss. so I'm hip to southern hospitality crazy.

The only thing wrong is that I'm unable to be so open as to be confrontational by stating my beliefs. If someone would chime in first I would join in but I couldn't start in with something that would cause me flack, I just wouldn't be able to handle the situation. I know what it was to be gay in the '60s in NYC and be a prostitute at the same time so multiply that by 10 and that's what it was in the south to be gay.

I got to get out of here and get to my T appointment. We can speak later.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#454209 - 11/18/13 06:31 AM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
don64 Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 358
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi lapchinj,

I want to ask for your forgiveness in my original response to you. I am feeling very vulnerable right now. I know any time I point a finger at someone else the issue is mine. I've been shedding some old skins recently, and have no new skin yet. I have been moving much more deeply into abuse issues and am threatened very easily. I've been a hermit for many years because I have not been able to trust myself in the world of people, and the only way I have been able to grow myself was to know what was going on with me was all me.

I'm sorry for taking a punch at you. I may need to be in read only mode for a little while. That is hard for me because I am so hungry and lonely. I hope you are able to take some warmth from my words. That is what I intend.

Don

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#454213 - 11/18/13 07:21 AM Re: Matthew Shepard case continues to haunt nation [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey guys, you are greatly adding to discussion here and it is lovely to see how peaceful and full of support you are.

Don please don't be so hard on yourself, you are great person, it is visible to anyone.

To go back to the main topic, it is so hurtful for me to read about hate crimes. Don't know why people are becoming less sensitive, less carrying, more selfish and more prone to do terrible things.
I've recently read that we actually never left caveman's frame of thinking. It looks like true...


Pero


Edited by peroperic2009 (11/18/13 07:22 AM)
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