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#449824 - 10/11/13 08:09 AM Protocol 101
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6574
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I wen't to my son's High School open-house yesterday. It felt SO wrong cuz MY father would go to mine if he was in town, come back to the house and start screaming and hitting. My son OWNS academia and thus the teachers have nothing but total praises for him. The spanish teacher said he seems to drift-off day dreaming in a severe way, but if she challenges him to repeat-back what she just said, he gets it perfectly.

THE PROTOCOL QUESTION:
I saw one of his class-mates (girl) on my way into one of the buildings. I've known this girl since she was born. She startled me with a big smily "Hello Mr. Stillman!" I looked up and there she was on an upper stair.

She's 14, and has grown into a knock-out beautiful young lady by anyone's standards. I see her mother quite often. She'll hear that I ran into her daughter at the open-house.

HOW do I compliment the daughter [to the parent]? DO I compliment the daughter? MAY I compliment the daughter? SHOULD I compliment the daughter? [EDIT] all of this paragraph would be directed to the girl's mother, as I see her every time I do laundry.

If you say "yes," go ahead and compliment her daughter, how do I do so without sounding creepy or pedophilic? Or am I already creepy finding a 14 yo beautiful in a fully non-sexual mode.

Sorry if this is a stupid question. I truly don't know this stuff.


Edited by Still (10/11/13 09:34 AM)
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#449827 - 10/11/13 08:20 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 917
Loc: New York
It is good you asked this - it is sensitive territory and guys can come off as a creeper without meaning to.

It would be appropriate to say "you look great - very happy and confident. I hear you're doing well in school...." and then transition into a talk of academic interests, goals, college, etc. Do not make any physically-oriented complements - don't say she's pretty, beautiful, turned into a lovely young lady, the dress, the hair, anything physical at all. All of that would be creepy.


When I was about 20, we went to a family friend's Bar Mitzvah and my mother pushed very hard for me to go introduce myself to one of the guests. One of the Bar Mitzvah boy's friends. A 13yo girl. She was tall for her age but unmistakeably 13. I demurred but mom wasn't having it: "Why not? What's the harm in talking to a pretty girl?"

"MOM SHE'S 13! They are over there playing Coke / Pepsi!"

"You're shy? It's cute that you're shy."

"....."

"Don't worry. She probably would have been intimidated by talking to a (*name of Ivy League college here*) man, it probably wouldn't have gone anywhere."



Matt
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#449828 - 10/11/13 08:42 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6574
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Thank you SS....it IS a good thing I ask. Its hard to believe I made it this far in life.
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#449833 - 10/11/13 09:13 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 363
I once complimented the neighbor's daughter by saying that she looked like the next Kathy Ireland. The mother appreciated it and the father was all PO'd. I don't know why. Maybe he thought his little girl on the cover of SI is a bad thing. I don't really see it that way.

Anyway, the easiest thing to do is cut out the compliment and go straight to the "How are you?" "How are your parents?" "How is school going?" etc. Throw in a "You look great!" if you want.

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#449834 - 10/11/13 09:16 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
She is a nice young lady.

Or if she looks like mom, mention that.

I think girls are usually quite sensualized by 16.
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#449837 - 10/11/13 09:32 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6574
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Yeah, I never speak to any kids unless one of mine are along. In this case, I just said, in a surprised voice, "Missy,...hey...how you doing...any idea how I find classroom X?"

I miss-spoke/wrote in asking "how do I compliment the daughter." What I meant is "How do I compliment the daughter TO the parents?" Now I'll just talk about "those Red Sox."
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#449838 - 10/11/13 09:33 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 363
Come to think of it.....I can't think of one instance where H ever complimented anyone under 30......or over 30, besides me.

I don't think it's any social faux pas to not compliment someone. It's probably only really expected if they are in a prom dress or something for a special occasion and then it's more about what a great dress it is and not the person themselves.

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#449844 - 10/11/13 11:58 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
A good compliment on another women when with your wife?

It is safe to say, she don't sweat much for a fat girl...

smile
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#450308 - 10/16/13 12:20 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Still]
Airmid Offline


Registered: 12/02/11
Posts: 95
Loc: South
Tell her mama that you saw her at Open House and she looked like a happy kid who is handling the teen years well.

As a mom to three teens, two of whom are girls, I'd be freaking thrilled to hear that.

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#451143 - 10/24/13 12:35 AM Re: Protocol 101 [Re: Airmid]
Wife - Survivor Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 38
Loc: PA
As a parent & grandparent, I would only address the parent, not the teen. Too many suspicions these days, THANK YOU GOD !
Isn't that why we are all here, Awareness ? Better safe than sorry. JMOpinion. A Mom & Nana.
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