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#449500 - 10/08/13 08:41 AM New here...
Moreorless Offline


Registered: 10/07/13
Posts: 20
Loc: Pittsburgh
I can only imagine that everyone here can relate to what I'm feeling right now...

I've just signed up for this message board... I didn't do it because I'm interested in discussing video games, politics, etc.

Very specific is this forum...

I wanted to step in, say hello, type, with hopeful fingers crossed, out a small intro.

My name is Jason... I'm not really certain I'm ready to talk about anything yet...

But I do know that something inside of me is gearing up to do so.

I leaped - and it looks like I found a safe place to land. I'm certain no one will mind if I take my time for now?

Or if anyone can point out a thread or something else that suggests how I could start?

Either way - I'm glad I went looking for and found a place like this forum...

Does anyone else ever feel or fear like our attackers, even if they're dead, are still out there? Reading things we'd like to type? Listening in on our expressing ourselves about them?


Edited by Moreorless (10/08/13 08:46 AM)
_________________________
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen

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#449504 - 10/08/13 09:25 AM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
jason,

welcome to ms.

take all the time you need.

yes, i have felt like my abuser was reading what i typed, listening to my thoughts and feelings about them, etc. what helped me was to keep talking. keep sharing. the more i did that, the less hold my abuser had on me and my life. to me, it was taking that power back that was held over me. instead of me fearing him, it turned around to him fearing me. at least, that is how it worked/felt for me. others may have different ways of working through those thoughts and feelings.

our journeys are our own. however, doesn't mean we are alone. just means we have to take those steps on the journey. we have to do that ourselves, BUT we always have help, guidance and support from other survivors along the way.

again, welcome to ms.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#449506 - 10/08/13 09:26 AM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3197
Loc: back in the USA
Welcome, Jason.

There is no one right way to begin. What you have done is great - short intro - now suit yourself - do what you can, as you can. No pressure - no expectations - no rules. Just read if you want. Add to a thread if you like. Tell your story - or parts of it - when you feel able.

You are among friends who understand - and who go to great lengths to help, support, affirm, encourage, and validate you in your healing journey.

Speak up if you have questions - as you have done.

And - yes - many of us have had the sensation of being watched when first posting. For me - it lessened with time.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#449510 - 10/08/13 09:43 AM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 2972
Loc: O Kanada
follow your heart.
trust your instincts.
let your feelings be your guide.
that should lead you to the stuff you need to read.

welcome to ms.org.

wishing you well.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#449515 - 10/08/13 10:15 AM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 156
Loc: Canada
Hey Jason,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but you have come to a great place to help you heal and recover.
I'll share with you what was shared with me upon my arrival.
Take your time or dive right in, whatever works for you.
Bare your scars, express the things you cannot anywhere else, because we get it, we've been there.
There is no judgement here. Only attentive listeners and sage advise from those who have walked this road before us.

If I can offer one thing, I have stopped referring to the man who attacked me as "my attacker". I believe that this terminology is a means to own and control a situation I had no control over as a child. Control is a big issue for me.

Just some food for thought.

Welcome to MS
_________________________
I am not my name, or my history, or the contents of my mind, I am the awareness behind of all this.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

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#449519 - 10/08/13 10:42 AM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Moreorless Offline


Registered: 10/07/13
Posts: 20
Loc: Pittsburgh
Thank you everyone. I'm really happy this resource is available.
_________________________
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen

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#449521 - 10/08/13 10:59 AM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 643
Loc: michigan
Jump in ...at your own pace Jason. this is a safe place for sure. look through the posts perhaps chat some and make yourself comfortable. then when and if you get ready you can tell more many of the guys haven't reached that place here cause of what you said the thought someone might be watching. there are parts of the site that are not accessible to the general public that you might also choose in time so for now just chill and be who you are. it is good to have you here
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#449557 - 10/08/13 03:35 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
Welcome Moreorless,

Congratulations on posting. Just that took courage. Dittos to whats been said above. Everyone's path is different, but theres also much thats in common among us. As you read you'll recognize your own struggles, experiences, and feelings in the stories of others here. The take-home is that you are not alone, and you don't have to go thru this by yourself.

Jude
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd

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#449602 - 10/08/13 09:47 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10946
Loc: Denver, CO
Hi Jason.

Welcome to MS.

I used to interpret for the deaf, and am quite rusty on my signing. I'm considering a class.

Andy
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#449671 - 10/09/13 01:57 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Jason,

Occasionally I wonder if I am only thinking about the abuse or whatever feature of it because at that precise instant the perpetrator (who is still alive) is thinking about it too. This feeling used to be much more common, but while faded it is not entirely gone. And me a former science teacher.

It isn't rational, but it's real, and just a part of what the survivor must deal with.

I'm terribly sorry you have to deal with it at all, but for your own sake it is for the best that you're doing so.

Welcome.... and, feel better. Hopefully soon.


Matt

_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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