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#445993 - 08/30/13 07:22 PM Re: intimacy anorexia what do you think? [Re: HD001]
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 256
Loc: us
Hey sugarbaby
That's awesome that you husband is working on it. I know the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you can try to stay in a positive place with it though I think it will only encourage your H that much more. I see such a shift take place with my H when I am able to believe in him. Some days I suck at it but both of us benefit when I am able to be present to the good that's happening. I know that I feel better and even when the hard times return they aren't as quite as bad.
Try to keep the good vibes going and on the days that you can't its okay.
Everything comes from within

#447098 - 09/13/13 10:04 AM Re: intimacy anorexia what do you think? [Re: HD001]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 338
Well......I guess I just got thrown a crumb because that interest he showed was preeeetty fleeting.

#447134 - 09/13/13 06:54 PM Re: intimacy anorexia what do you think? [Re: HD001]
lucylives Offline

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 359
Oh Sugar, I so get that. It seems we are rounding a corner and then my husband goes right back.

I am so tired of 2 steps forward, 3 steps back crap. It sucks. Just when you think it is all gonna be allright. ugh

#448868 - 10/01/13 09:27 AM Re: intimacy anorexia what do you think? [Re: pufferfish]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 338
He bought a book on this and started reading it. We will see where it goes.

Edited by sugarbaby (10/01/13 09:28 AM)

#449464 - 10/07/13 09:07 PM Re: intimacy anorexia what do you think? [Re: HD001]
gettingstronger Offline

Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Virginia

If he's reading up on it and pushing himself as much as he can to get better, it will get better for the both of you. I know every survivor has a different level of ability and willingness to work on this, but if he's really trying to push forward, things should get better in time.

I don't know what he saw modeled by his parents as far as being a loving couple goes, but in my case I've had to reinvent what that means from scratch. My earliest memories of my Dad were of how "fat and ugly" (his words) my Mom was, how cute the woman at the bank down the street was, etc. While they kissed once in a while in front of us kids, I knew from my earliest days what a sham it was.

The point is, I grew up without a clue about what being in a happy relationship looked like, and your husband might be in the same boat. I know this sounds like it should be self-evident, especially if your parents were happy and showed it, but believe me, it can be harder than it should be for some.

I love my wife to death, but I have to go out of my way to show her that frequently (and sometimes I don't do it nearly as well as I should.) For me, this means making time, being there even if I'm tired, etc., being involved in things that matter to her, and so on. While most guys would do these things automatically, anyone who's watched his parents hate each other for however many years might be on a learning curve. All I can say is that my heart is with you and I hope things get better soon.
Don't let "three steps forward and two steps back" bother you. Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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