Your story is painfully familiar, yet unique because it happened to you. I also waited more than 40 years to let my secret out, and am struggling to make a new life now. The process is extremely painful, but its the only way to heal. And you will heal, if you keep doing the things you are doing to pursue that goal.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell