Your story is painfully familiar, yet unique because it happened to you. I also waited more than 40 years to let my secret out, and am struggling to make a new life now. The process is extremely painful, but its the only way to heal. And you will heal, if you keep doing the things you are doing to pursue that goal.
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to screamJoe Cocker