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#449126 - 10/04/13 05:09 AM A Do Over
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 143
Loc: Southeast US
Some T's, I think, call it re-enacting a scene with different results. And if that works for some survivors, good for them.

I have some scenes, if I could, I surely would like a "do over"
When I was acting out, why didn't I just keep playing PONG (yes, it was that long ago) instead of exposing myself to my nephew.
Why didn't I just get up and leave before the Little League coach performed fellatio on me.
Why didn't I report the store manager when he took me back to the stockroom to see if the model plane was in yet.
Why didn't I race off on my bike when the jock wanted to ride double.

These are just some of the things I ask myself, but they always end the same way. Can you ever really have a do over so things turn out like you want them to?
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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#449141 - 10/04/13 08:05 AM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
I'm too much of a practical-application guy for that to work for me.

Nothing changes the past. But I've heard some people get a lot out of re-imagining their past, sometimes that it ends differently, but a local missionary friend doing 5th step counseling asked people to imagine their higher power present in the scene, which seemed to help them.

Me, I'm more of a "I can't change the past but I can try in the present to build a future" sort of guy.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#449144 - 10/04/13 08:13 AM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I have read quite a bit lately since I am under 1 year into dealing directly with my CSA. There also those that warn against re-enactment. So I don't know myself.

As an AA 12 step practitioner, I like that approach. Also a phrase that has helped me through the years, "Do the next right thing". I try and remember the lesson learned and do the next right thing. The past does leave an impression, but my next choice determines my future.

I have a few mistakes or bad events in my past for sure, but I have a future full of opportunities.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#449158 - 10/04/13 11:13 AM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6356
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
We just don't get a do-over of any sort. I began screaming for a do-over in High School. And then we realize our childhood is spent. And we get busy either trying to act like a normal or numbing our way through life.

I did both. My new revelation of seeing Little Still as a beaten, bleeding, filthy wreck of a little boy has been giving me new viewpoints. Yes, its all spent. But I can begin to accept him as mine, clean him up, comfort him and just be a protector from all those who would devour him.

INVISIBLE INK (Mouse Highlight below)
Its the best I can find for a do-over, as he never had ANY of that as a child. There was NO affection, no pride, no self esteem, :::TRIGGER::: would drop top his knees in a basement party in the blink of an eye :::TRIGGER::: and he became expert at relaxing back there so that it doesn't hurt.

That was the best he had. I'm done scorning him while forgiving them!
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#449162 - 10/04/13 11:33 AM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 741
Loc: michigan
you cant really get a do over. I count my kids as my do over its as close as I will ever come. but what I can do I learn to forgive myself for not knowing the future. I can remember to think like the little boy I was and realize I REALLY didn't know. I am not a partner in this life draining insanity, It was directed at ME! I can look to the boy I was and try with all I have, and from there I can cry and then move forward to try to be the man I would have been without the abuse.
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#449211 - 10/04/13 09:32 PM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 143
Loc: Southeast US
Thanks guys, for getting me back out of the ditch and on the road of recovery. I think I had what is commonly known in the South as a - hissy fit. No matter how many times I ask Why, I need to be reminded that the past is just that, it's over. There's so much living to do in the now, and the future is what I make of it, regardless of the past.
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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#449222 - 10/04/13 10:36 PM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1467
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Bluedogone
...I have some scenes, if I could, I surely would like a "do over"
Hey Blue,

If "do-overs" were available, I'd glady pay for mine. Too bad we can't rewrite the past. But the good news is that we get to write the book's ending. I'm working on chapter 56 right now.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#449291 - 10/05/13 07:22 PM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 313
Loc: Iowa, USA
Blue

Please don't beat yourself up for what you did or didn't do in the past. Obviously it's a moot issue, since you can't change what has happened. You can learn from the past and apply your new found knowledge to the present. You are looking at the past using the wisdom and experience you currently possess. However, when you did what you did, you were a different person without the knowledge you have now. You are who you are today because of your past. You have said yourself, when you relive history, it always ends the same way. That will never change. What you can do now is apply the lessons you've learned to each and every day. Instead of wondering why you did what you did, make the decision to act in a specific way in certain circumstances. You may not be able to control your life, but you can set yourself on a path you'll be happy with. Good luck to you.

DavO

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#449295 - 10/05/13 07:58 PM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
Bill61 Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 41
Loc: Illinois
Hey Blue,
I feel the same way that Jude says about having a do-over. I have had flashbacks of all the visits priest's office when I was called. I always why I couldn't just say no and I want to stay in class.
_________________________
Small Stones
"Those who remove mountains begin by carrying away small stones"

"I am in charge of how I fell and I choose HAPPINESS" from The Law of Attraction.

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#449297 - 10/05/13 08:26 PM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: Bluedogone
Thanks guys, for getting me back out of the ditch and on the road of recovery. I think I had what is commonly known in the South as a - hissy fit. No matter how many times I ask Why, I need to be reminded that the past is just that, it's over. There's so much living to do in the now, and the future is what I make of it, regardless of the past.


I have thought about your post a bit. In the spirit of a "do over" I guess I must admit to attempting g to live that out in my adult life.

I am older and now have a job and wife, so I get the love I missed and craved from her. I am sitting on the couch and 6 electric guitars are in the living room with me, as well as a half stack Marshall amp 4x12 cabinet.

I have a cool car.

I am really trying to enjoy those things that my screwed up world took or squandered. So in the spirit of your Do Over, I am there.

And your comment of getting out of the ditch and back on the road? I totally relate my friend.

Thanks for posting. After thinking about it, I feel we don't get to do over our childhood, but we can find those joys we missed, and as Still said, we can rescue our child self and love ourselves.

Peace
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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