Newest Members
mossTI, E35, 1975, Lucy, StacyR
12337 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Who's Online
3 registered (tbkkfile, 2 invisible), 19 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12337 Members
74 Forums
63420 Topics
443378 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#449131 - 10/04/13 06:27 AM Sexual or Physical?[Triggering]
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
This thread is basically asking the same question our friend Traveler just asked. Didn't want to hijack his thread. Like him, I don't wish to trivialize others experiences nor to compare. I need to just have this clarified and would appreciate your input.

My mother and I had a disagreement on what term to settle down on concerning what I experienced in childhood. She says it was more or less physical assault, but I always considered it sexual since it involved my genitals. [TRIGGER]An adult man(the boyfriend of a friend's mom) was drunk and decided to punish us boys for staying up late by squeezing and otherwise hurting our genitals.[/TRIGGER].

The thing that gets me is if it isn't sexual abuse then why do I have all the symptoms I see others here suffering? The feeling of being tainted/vile/"bad", constant disconnect from others, psycho-sexual problems(i.e. secretly hypersexual/sexual compulsion, intimacy avoidance, ect), damaged sense of masculinity, and being generally maladjusted are issues which I can relate. It's worth mentioning that I experienced other forms of abuse(verbal & physical) during my upbringing so that could possibly factor into it.

What do you guys think? What's you take on this?


Edited by thepatient (10/04/13 06:34 AM)
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

Top
#449133 - 10/04/13 07:10 AM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
There is NO (as in NO) question as to this being sexual abuse. No one, EVER, not matter who they are or what you were doing, has permission to break a strongly established boundary of our genitals.

This guy was/is demented and viciously violent. Enough with him.

You and whomever else were those "boys" you speak of must have been bug-eyed shocked at this. A one-time, never to be replaced, veil of safe and assumed boundaries were ripped-away. The event was memorable, painful and likely shifted your persona in a permanent way.

Your mother is trying to dissuade you of this thought as she brought the hyper-violent monster into your life and did not control it...likely did not dismiss it with prejudice from your home based upon this incident.

In fact...and I'm sorry to say this but I will not hold back truth; NO MOTHER should EVER BRING A DRUNKEN MAN INTO ANY PLACE (HOME OR OTHERWISE) WHERE THERE ARE CHILDREN (HER CHILDREN OR ANYONE ELSES). Fkng pisses me off to NO end when "mothers" have not the requisite nards to put their children first (no matter what).

It was sexual assault and violence upon a minor no matter how you position it. Mommy dearest is wriggling out of her failure.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#449137 - 10/04/13 07:44 AM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
Um... the guy abused your sexual bits, yes?
That's sexual abuse to me.

Let's break this down:
Guy in a position of power violates your personal areas to establish power over you, shame you, hurt you, and punish you.
Sadistic git.
I'm not surprised that you experience many of the same symptoms as those of us whose abusers wanted a different reaction from our privates than yours. (Though many of the more "clear", and I hate using that word, victims had nothing but pain and shame from their woundings as well.)
You had basic human boundaries about your privates (as in, for you alone to decide about) and he broke those boundaries, just like my abuser.
You had a physical sensation (pain) forced on you in your innermost parts just like I did (pleasure sort of and then years of pain).
You learned that people who should earn your trust, protect, and comfort you can betray, hurt, and shame you, just like I did.
That leads to an effort to protect yourself from being hurt again, whatever form that might take.

And self esteem? man! That git "told you" in his actions that you weren't any different than an animal, except that most places doing that to even a farm animal is a crime. I hope you hear me there. What he did to you we'd arrest him for if he did it to a dog.

And you are a living breathing human being with a heart and soul, mind and body worth protecting, preserving, worth growing up healthy and unashamed.

You deserved so much more.

I'm so sorry that you have an experience that leads you here, but you have every right to be here as far as I'm concerned.

Regretful welcome and comfort from one survivor to another.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

Top
#449140 - 10/04/13 07:59 AM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
5-Identifiers According to Darkness to Light Foundation

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

1-Any sexual act between an adult and a minor or between two minors when one exerts power over the other.

2-Forcing, coercing or persuading a child to engage in any type of sexual act.

3-It also includes non-contact acts such as exhibitionism, exposure to pornography, voyeurism, and communicating in a sexual manner by phone or Internet.

4-An agonizing and traumatic experience for its victims.

5-A crime punishable by law.



So regarding that twisted fk and hurting you boys for being up late:

1 - yes clearly
3 - yes clearly
4 - yes clearly
5 - yes clearly


You may live in a state where the legal limitations have not expired. I'd look at putting him in a special cage.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#449154 - 10/04/13 09:16 AM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
@Thepatient, try reversing the gender. Suppose some adult of either gender did something painful to a young girl's genitals, (I'll let you imagine the gorey details), not as s/xual pleasure, but as an act of ssaidism.

Would this be s/xual abuse? how would society see a person who commits such acts?

I think there is a clear and distinct answer to this.

Now, why the hell should a child possessing a Y chromosome make a difference?

Top
#449160 - 10/04/13 11:27 AM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I relate to being hit in the genitals for punishment. It is a vile and hateful thing a sociopath would do.

You have every right to be pissed and hurt. It is a criminal act.

The idea in our culture that hitting men in the groin is funny, is one thing that pisses me off. You don't see women getting punched in the taco and that being part of a joke in a sitcom.

Definitely abuse.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

Top
#449164 - 10/04/13 11:52 AM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
tbkkfile Online   content


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 168
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
My Mother used to parade her boyfriends in front of me while my Father was asleep upstairs, I remember one guy grabbing me by the genitals when I was 12, I screamed because it F**cking hurt and my Mother telling me that that was how they messed around on board ship (he was a cook in the merchant navy) she seemed more afraid of me waking my Father than what he did.

Still is right

Quote:
There is NO (as in NO) question as to this being sexual abuse. No one, EVER, not matter who they are or what you were doing, has permission to break a strongly established boundary of our genitals.
_________________________
Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter

J.R.R.Tolkien, The Hobbit

Top
#449210 - 10/04/13 09:22 PM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
Thanks guys. It's good to be validated. Btw, he wasn't my mom's boyfriend, rather the CSA was done by a boyfriend of a friend's mom. I can understand how, judging by the wording, you thought the other abuse was done by the same person. However, I wonder if my mom does still have an interest in minimizing it since she might feel some guilt for putting me in the situation.
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

Top
#449219 - 10/04/13 10:32 PM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
My ooops. Bringing home drunk men to a child-environ is Still a major fk-up only a self centered idiot can truly pull-off.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#449418 - 10/07/13 01:01 PM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3377
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: thepatient
She says it was more or less physical assault, but I always considered it sexual since it involved my genitals. [TRIGGER]An adult man(the boyfriend of a friend's mom) was drunk and decided to punish us boys for staying up late by squeezing and otherwise hurting our genitals.[/TRIGGER].

The thing that gets me is if it isn't sexual abuse then why do I have all the symptoms I see others here suffering? The feeling of being tainted/vile/"bad", constant disconnect from others, psycho-sexual problems(i.e. secretly hypersexual/sexual compulsion, intimacy avoidance, ect), damaged sense of masculinity, and being generally maladjusted are issues which I can relate. It's worth mentioning that I experienced other forms of abuse(verbal & physical) during my upbringing so that could possibly factor into it.

What do you guys think? What's you take on this?


Like you, I have had a lot of confusion over the abuse I experienced because it did not fit the classic or typical definitions or descriptions of sex abuse. There was definitely verbal, emotional and physical abuse. But those types of abuse often crossed a line where the perpetrators included sexual elements such as verbal abuse that included ridiculing the physical appearance of my genitals and my sexual identity. Or teasing by touching my genitals in a tickling way or a painful way - but not in a way that was overtly sensual - was arousing.
In no way did it resemble or simulate any recognizable sex act -yet the effect was abusive.

Someone told me once that if it felt like abuse to you - then it was abusive - regardless of how it was intended. So -the intent was to hurt and punish you. And the man - obvious power imbalance - intentionally targeted your private parts = sex organs. Therefore it was sexual abuse. Take this from a survivor who sometimes feels ambivalent about his own definitions.

Hope it helps.
lee


Edited by traveler (10/07/13 01:04 PM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#450150 - 10/14/13 01:48 PM Re: Sexual or Physical?[Triggering] [Re: thepatient]
nomorevic Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 40
Loc: North Carolina
Hello patient.

I can't really add any further insight than what was already offered. I just want to say I am sorry this happened to you and you ABSOLUTELY were sexually abused.

I hope you much success on your recovery.

Best,
NMV
_________________________
NMV

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.