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#449080 - 10/03/13 09:30 PM New member
JPA Offline


Registered: 09/19/13
Posts: 1
Loc: PA
I joined recently. My therapist is RIchard Gartner whom I believe is a founding member. Actually I am 53 years old now but have known Richard since my childhood when he was my family therapist. I am a survivor. I want to say that here. I was abused when I was 11 - 13 years old by a male older than me (an adult teacher). I feel guilt. Shame. Self loathing.

I am interested in a way to speak with other men who've been abused. I guess in my own way its cathartic to talk about it now after many years. I saw Richard 2 days ago (first time in 25 years). It was a pleasure to see him and despite the pain and difficulty in downloading it feels good to be ME again.

Are there any groups in the Philly area I could speak with. Also interested in retreats as this was mentioned to me by Richard.

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#449089 - 10/03/13 10:32 PM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Welcome!

Sad stuff JPA! I'm glad Richard pointed you to the MS board though.

1960 model-years are good folk! Great to find and have around. We knew a different culture in the USA when it comes to abuse and finding a voice.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#449096 - 10/03/13 10:57 PM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3327
Loc: O Kanada
welcome to ms.org, JPA.
i am a survivor, too.

i am 52, still processing stuff from the sixties and seventies.

feeling mostly good.

not in the philly area though.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#449100 - 10/03/13 11:34 PM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1510
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: JPA
....I feel guilt. Shame. Self loathing....I am interested in a way to speak with other men who've been abused. I guess in my own way its cathartic to talk about it now after many years.
Hi JPA!

Welcome to the club that no one in their right mind wants to join. Many of us are middleaged and just dealing with what was done to us as boys, for the first time. The guilt, shame, and self-loathing you describe are all to common among us.

You are on the right track in starting to talk about it. Someone shared with me early on that "Sex abuse happens in secret, but healing happens out loud". I have found that to be true. The more you talk about it the less power it has over you. When you visit MS read, share, and learn all you can. Healing is possible. You CAN change your life.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#449125 - 10/04/13 04:16 AM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 753
Loc: michigan
hey jpa
so glad you found the courage to come and the try to process this crap.it is not an easy thing and not your fault at all that is what can make it so difficult. we carry the guilt ... but it is not ours. you will find information on the weekends of recovery on the home page here under its own tab though I believe they may be finished for this year. but in the mean time come join in the resources here, perhaps visit chat and settle in you are welcome here man.
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#449129 - 10/04/13 06:15 AM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Hello JPA,

Welcome. I hope you find some helpful things here. I too am 53 and recently started processing things.

I have been learning a child can not consent, it is not our fault in any way at all.

This site is good.

Peace
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#449132 - 10/04/13 06:30 AM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
nomorevic Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 40
Loc: North Carolina
Welcome JPA.

You are obviously a strong and courageous man. I am glad you were directed to MS. I hope you find healing and support here with other great men.

Kind Regards,
NMV
_________________________
NMV

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#449163 - 10/04/13 11:49 AM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
Bill61 Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 41
Loc: Illinois
Welcome JPA,
I recently joined and working my recovery from CSA that started in 1977 when I was 16 years old. I went to a catholic high school and had a counselor who was a priest. He abused me in his office which also his bedroom. I suppressed this abuse for 36 years that included suicide attempts, depression, anxiety attacks and bipolar. I had various psychiatrists but never opened up to them until on my birthday February 6, I spoke with a therapist by reconnecting my conscious and subconscious minds together. He was able to determine that I stopped living when the abuse started and working on bringing closure.
_________________________
Small Stones
"Those who remove mountains begin by carrying away small stones"

"I am in charge of how I fell and I choose HAPPINESS" from The Law of Attraction.

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#449172 - 10/04/13 03:04 PM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
Bill61 Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 41
Loc: Illinois
Welcome JPA,
I recently joined and working my recovery from CSA that started in 1977 when I was 16 years old. I went to a catholic high school and had a counselor who was a priest. He abused me in his office which also his bedroom. I suppressed this abuse for 36 years that included suicide attempts, depression, anxiety attacks and bipolar. I had various psychiatrists but never opened up to them until on my birthday February 6, I spoke with a therapist by reconnecting my conscious and subconscious minds together. He was able to determine that I stopped living when the abuse started and working on bringing closure.
_________________________
Small Stones
"Those who remove mountains begin by carrying away small stones"

"I am in charge of how I fell and I choose HAPPINESS" from The Law of Attraction.

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#449177 - 10/04/13 03:39 PM Re: New member [Re: JPA]
nowhere2go Offline


Registered: 01/28/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Wisconsin
I'm 39yo and my childhood was a flip of a coin; on one side I had the "perfect" suburban American Midwest upbringing but alongside I suffered repeated sexual/mental abuse that culminated at 19yo when I was gang raped by women and men at a "Party" (strange how abusers just know who to target). Inside I died at 19, wish I was killed as those sickos originally planned so I didn't have to live with the repeating memories of the torture and whole experience. Most of my abusers in life were women; sans my grandfather and my pediatrician. But now all I face is another form of victimization; lack of services for men in my area. I'm now unemployed, no insurance, no prospects and no worth in society anymore it would seem. I'm so glad other men can find help just wonder when it will be my turn. Been actively searching for help with my problems for 2 years in WI...nothing without insurance (other than here)unless I got a sex change, then it's easily found at any medical complex. Sad one must be born a woman to get help for these problems. Lost most of the hope I have left.

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