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#448821 - 09/30/13 08:20 PM Young guy just starting recovery
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
Hi,

I've been lurking this forum for the past week before I decided to join, and it seems like I'm probably much younger than most here(25 y.o.). My life started to unravel about a month ago when the suicidal thoughts intensified and my alcohol addiction came into the open. The CSA occurred sometime around 5,6,or 7 years old at a friend's house. The mother's boyfriend violently assaulted me, and I kept it a secret up to this point.
I'm doing much better these days(currently sober and seeking therapy), but I recognize the arduous journey I face toward recovery. It is my hope that I can glean some advice from here, commiserate(I'm shocked by how much I relate to so many threads), and possibly help my fellow brothers.
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

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#448823 - 09/30/13 08:27 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
Bill61 Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 41
Loc: Illinois
I felt like I was late in bringing my story out too. It took me 36 years to pull my abuse out of my subconscious.


Edited by Bill61 (10/01/13 10:27 PM)
_________________________
Small Stones
"Those who remove mountains begin by carrying away small stones"

"I am in charge of how I fell and I choose HAPPINESS" from The Law of Attraction.

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#448825 - 09/30/13 08:37 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: thepatient
...I'm shocked by how much I relate to so many threads...


I'm very sorry (for you) to hear that.

Someday...maybe soon too...you will be so damn happy you took this beast on at 25 and not 45 or 55.

I envy that, but you need help and support no-less than any of us. I hope you derrive lots of help and support from MS.
_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#448827 - 09/30/13 08:48 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
Hello ThePatient,

Terribly sorry to hear of the crime that was inflicted on you, but I must say, you are doing a commendable job of investing in your own future by facing the pain, starting therapy, and counteracting the alcohol and self-destructive thoughts. You deserved so much better - now at the very least you deserve to LIVE!

There is a sub-forum here devoted to men who were sexually assaulted in adulthood; you might find some extra resonant points there.

One last thing for now: if it was less than 10 years ago, the statute of limitations for reporting and prosecuting the crime should not have expired in any state. I don't know if you want to try to pursue institutional justice, but you should at least make yourself aware of all your options.

We are here to support you in your healing journey. We believe you can do it.



Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#448833 - 09/30/13 09:13 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: SoccerStar]
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
Thanks, guys. I do consider myself lucky since I'm facing this now. Have to commend you older guys who held it in for 40-odd years or so. I don't know how you did it especially since I doubt I would've seen 30 if I didn't get help.

Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
One last thing for now: if it was less than 10 years ago, the statute of limitations for reporting and prosecuting the crime should not have expired in any state. I don't know if you want to try to pursue institutional justice, but you should at least make yourself aware of all your options.


I found out yesterday that my perp had committed suicide a long time ago. It actually left me with some strange feelings. A part of me wanted to eventually face him one day just to tell him what he put me through, and another (believe it or not) felt somewhat bad for him. The desolation which plagued my life was more than a human should experience, so I can't even imagine what a hellish and detatched existence he must have lived to be capable of CSA.

However, I'm on meds, will attend therapy, have a few good people in my life who understand, and rediscovered spirituality. It can only go up from here!
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

Top
#448834 - 09/30/13 09:24 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3535
Loc: O Kanada
welcome, thepatient.

glad you have decided to move in the right direction.

the sooner the better when it comes to recovery,
however, each of us must move at our own comfortable pace,
lest we stumble or fall.
for example, i have been working at it for 40 years.

trust me, it does get easier and better with time.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#448838 - 09/30/13 10:31 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
Zero Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 35
Loc: Tennessee
Hello thepatient,

I am younger (23) and am dealing with CSA too so I wanted to say you are not alone. I have also dealt with suicidal thoughts before in the past. Please know you are not alone in either issue and welcome to malesurvivor.

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#448840 - 09/30/13 10:45 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi patient,

Glad to hear you're deciding to pursue healing. I'm 25 as well, I imagine you'll hear alot of praise for doing this relatively early. It shows an admirable amount of strength, of course i may be considered a biased party. haha.

Take Care, and take it slow. Take time to hear and understand all sides of the monster of abuse. You'll undoubtedly conquer. Praise for being sober as well. Don't sweat a small relapse here and there. Is a process, as I've heard and came to find.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#448841 - 09/30/13 11:00 PM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 191
Loc: Virginia
Welcome, thepatient!

Congratulations on starting to come to terms with this, especially at your still-young age. I think you'll find a tremendous amount of support here, all from guys who've been through similar things and who've had to deal with the same emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. as you have.

If it's any help, I too struggled with alcohol for several years before opening up to anyone about what happened to me 40+ years ago. Once I saw how it was just dulling my feelings and actually hindering me from facing and working through them, the need for it just sort of faded away.

This has held true for the rest of my recovery (which only started in earnest six weeks ago.) As I confronted, rather than dodged, unpleasant thoughts and have been working through them, they're becoming less and less relevant (and certainly much less painful.) My suicidal thoughts have ended completely, as I can now see recovery, even if it's off in the distance. I can also now talk calmly and rationally about people whose names brought me to sobbing fits only a few weeks ago. I know these are only small steps in the grand scheme of things and I have a long way to go, but they're steps in the right direction.

Anyway, this post isn't about me. My REAL point is that you opened the door big-time to getting this part of your life behind you and moving forward by opening up about this and owning it. Having the right therapist and meds is a great start as well. Great to see you making it this far and feel free to post as you see fit. Again, welcome.


Edited by gettingstronger (09/30/13 11:03 PM)
Edit Reason: emphasis
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#448859 - 10/01/13 05:07 AM Re: Young guy just starting recovery [Re: thepatient]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Congrats on dealing with the monster now! Awesome on you for looking at your substance abuse.

I have a long time sober in AA but new here. In funny ways for me, there is some overlap in the principles. You may find your recovery tools useful in a few areas!

Best wishes on finding the answers and fellowship you need.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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