you are welcome to pm me any time as well though our situations are surely different. what I have found here in talking to many people is there are so many things that differ in our stories , so many subtle insanities and indignities that we suffer alone, and yet our feelings and insecurities are so similar. we are part of an unfortunate brotherhood and it seems no matter who was at the helm during the abuse, the results are amazingly similar. I hope this helps you to reach out man. It was the most difficult and the best decision for me.
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"