Sorry that you had a reason to find this place but glad you found it!
I wanted to give a little feedback on the idea that your husband still did things for his mother.
I grew up with the notion that 'real' victims hated their abusers and wanted them all dead. And I still cared about mine, which made me feel dirty and horrible about myself. If I didn't hate him then I liked it/wanted it/was a dirty you fill in the blank...
I've since discovered that there's a range of emotions about our abusers just as there is a really wide range of abusers and abuses. It's always a big deal, but it can hit differently.
My big encouragement is not to try and force your feelings or yours. Just take it as it comes.
I'm super encouraged that you are doing this together. What a relief and support. A lot of the guys aren't that lucky.
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.