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#448201 - 09/25/13 12:58 PM Two incidents of abuse
Zero Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 35
Loc: Tennessee
Hello, I am new here, I am 23 years old and am suffering from depression over two sexual experiences in my life. First off, I am not 100% sure where to post this because the first incident of abuse, I suffered as a child. The second incident, however, I was taken advantage of as an adult. The abuse I suffered as a child was from my older brother when I was 12 and he was 17 and I am rather numb to it completely now. The abuse I suffered as an adult was from an older women (48) who took advantage of me when I was 20. She pretended to be my friend and I for some reason trusted her like an idiot and she gave me a bunch of drugs with alcohol and took advantage of me.

Both incidents bother me now but I have so much guilt and shame about what happened as an adult because I was older and should have known better. Part of the problem I feel, is my social skills are bad because I have a mild form of autism and I didn't express my disinterest in sex as an adult. I feel like I consented because I willingly took both illegal and prescription drugs with this woman. It hurts so much that when I think about it, it causes a deep depression which is where I am now.

I have a therapist and takes meds for depression but nothing seems to work and I can't get over what happened as an adult. Its almost caused a bipolar like cycle of being fine when I am not thinking about it to being a emotional wreck when I think on it.

I guess thats my introduction / rant / brief story

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#448208 - 09/25/13 01:37 PM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6506
Loc: Terminus
Z,

You are not at fault, complicit, to-blame, part-of, those two rapes. I know that's a hard word to read. Its hard to type...even harder to say. But please take this initially on blind-faith (until you learn all the proof you need) that you are in NO WAY to blame...NO MATTER WHAT.

Originally Posted By: Zero
I feel like I consented because I willingly took both illegal and prescription drugs with this woman.


Bloody Hell !!! If drugs were not needed to pry your complying, you got another story...but being drugged, being of diminished capacity and having both of those factors leveraged to get you into action for her = not consent!


Edited by Still (09/25/13 01:43 PM)
_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#448212 - 09/25/13 03:26 PM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 288
Loc: PA
Z,

Welcome to MS and sorry you have reason to be here. I agree with Still - you were taken advantage of.

I carry the guilt and shame that I initiated sessions with my abuser because I needed the attention. I even felt rejected when he stopped it. You're not alone in the feelings that you are having.

I hope you are able to realize it's wasn't your fault and that the guilt and shame ease up for you like they have for me.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#448214 - 09/25/13 04:13 PM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I am very new and struggled with guilt of being a willing victim. At 8 I went to the teenagers house on my own.

Spending time here has helped see how sneaky and devious some will be to take advantage of us. A child can't consent.

I hope you stick around. This place has helped me get rid of some sick false guilt.

Peace
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#448232 - 09/25/13 08:24 PM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: On The Fringe]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
Originally Posted By: On The Fringe
I am very new and struggled with guilt of being a willing victim. At 8 I went to the teenagers house on my own. Spending time here has helped see how sneaky and devious some will be to take advantage of us. A child can't consent.


Amen to that! It's 100% natural for a boy to want the attention and approval of older boys and teens. It's the mechanism we have to learn and grow into adults! If someone used that against you, totally not your fault!

Regarding the older woman, my thinking is similar. That's how most college-age kids socialize. How many hundreds or thousands of times had you and/or your friends shared drinks or relaxed with your friends without being attacked?! You had every right to expect the same thing from this woman and she betrayed that.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#448258 - 09/26/13 12:02 AM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2017
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Zero and welcome.

One thing I've found helpful myself as surviver of abuse by a female is gender reversal.

Ask yourself if some 48 year old bloke got a 20 year old girl incapacitated with drugs and then forced her, would that be her fault? should she feel guilty?

Almighty social expectations say "men can't be abused" but as the "myths and facts" aarticle on the front of this site says, that is absolute rubbish, and it's possible for someone to be a victim or an abuser no matter what chromosomes they have.

I really hope you can start recovering from this, having this site is very helpful for that.

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#448261 - 09/26/13 12:59 AM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
tbkkfile Online   content


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 226
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Dark empathy has hit the nail on the head,

Quote:
Ask yourself if some 48 year old bloke got a 20 year old girl incapacitated with drugs and then forced her, would that be her fault? should she feel guilty?


Society has conditioned us to think differently regarding gender and abuse. Please do not blame yourself it was not your fault.

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#448263 - 09/26/13 01:26 AM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1557
Loc: New England
I can only agree with whats been said....
Not Your Fault!
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

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#448282 - 09/26/13 07:31 AM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6506
Loc: Terminus
Z,

I really hope you get a chance to look into the curriculum and nature of the Weekends Of Recovery. You'll hear a LOT of NOT YOUR FAULT there (so they tell me),
_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#449428 - 10/07/13 03:05 PM Re: Two incidents of abuse [Re: Zero]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 241
Loc: Southeast US
Hi Zero,

Welcome to the site. I'm fairly new here myself, but as so many have said, sorry you need the site, but I think you'll find a safe, non-judgmental atmosphere with a genuinely caring bunch of folks, most who've been in situations of abuse.

Whether it was sub conscious or happen stance that caused you to choose your MS user name, NO ONE has the right to Zero you out, whether it's an older brother or older woman. As I read the various forum posts I'm constantly reminded that I'm not alone in this journey of healing, and reminded that the shame and guilt belong to the abusers, not to me. And I hope you do too.
It's good to see you're dealing with this head-on early in life rather than like I've done and wait until you're an old man.

Good luck and take care.

CJ
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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