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#448280 - 09/26/13 07:22 AM Re: Two things still on the table. Triggers! [Re: On The Fringe]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6571
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: On The Fringe
Eventually I may tell my wife part of it. Seems unthinkable to do now.


Is/was/could she be the 'suspecting" type? Has she asked about past issues? Has she 'guessed?'

I only ask because my wife was highly suspicious from early-on. Three or four marriage counsellors outright said "you were abused"...100% Still....you were abused." I would swear up and down Mt Mckinley that there was NFW I was abused.

Its funny though. Back in grad school, before marriage, I did tell her several time of "the sex I had...the ample sex I had" in childhood. Assuming it was peer-to-peer stuff of which I spoke, she did not get concerned.

Like you, OTF, I went on with a highly viable-looking life with chemical assistance. ONLY with chemical assistance...like $100,000 worth.

But anyway; I was wondering if your wife was suspicious at all?
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#448285 - 09/26/13 08:23 AM Re: Two things still on the table. Triggers! [Re: On The Fringe]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Well my AA friend suspected it.

My wife probably knows something bad happened. Zero relationship with father. Did not go to his funeral. May be a sign of hostile relationship....

But I ask her for help on people things. She is very sensitive like that. She also loves me dearly. She loves that I am a veteran and a musician. She supports my silly hobbies. She asks me where I am when I zone out or get distant. She loves me thru my craziness.

I would say she knows for sure some bad things happened. Maybe not this issue. She knows of DV back in the days.

Gotta say this last two weeks has been like a dam breaking.

Interesting thought. Maybe once I get past blaming myself, there won't be such a sense of shame in the thought of sharing.

This is an f'ed up crime against us. We get violated then carry the guilt too.
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#448296 - 09/26/13 08:43 AM Re: Two things still on the table. Triggers! [Re: On The Fringe]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 267
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
I spent a long time wondering why as a kid I never saw it as it was, but then I realised that I am now looking through my adult eyes, back then I didn't have the benefit of my 55 years or so of experience. I was just some skinny 12 year old loner who saw a bunch of grown up guys who would accept me as part of their group. Its only recently that I've started to see what they really were.
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#448336 - 09/26/13 05:51 PM Re: Two things still on the table. Triggers! [Re: On The Fringe]
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6571
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: On The Fringe
this last two weeks has been like a dam breaking.


A very common experience, but nonetheless devastating to the man. Do try to take it easy and slow. When the dam breaks, anyone can be washed away.
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