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#44804 - 08/08/02 04:06 PM Re: Betrayed again, why not just kill me now
Ross Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 34
Loc: Vancouver, BC Canada
Hi Batt:

I read your posts regarding your tough time. It really breaks my heart to see the pain you have. Betrayal by a pastor/priest is a real bad thing.

I was abused by Catholic clergy as a boy. My personal motto in life as a result became I trust no one and no one trusts me. My second was I touch no one and no one touches me. Distancing for all of us as survivors I think is a big thing. I have almost lost my wife and family a few times because I can't let go at times. Your posts are very real to me. I hope you can hang in and things get better.

I also believe that God did not "let" that Pastor wreck things, the frigging pastor did an evil thing to you and your family. He has to carry the weight of his hurt on his hands I feel for preying on you and your wife. My mom had an affair with a priest when I was about ten and my family turned to dust in front of my eyes. I ended up in the hands of the Christian brothers but I don't blame God any more cause I am not letting the perps off with a free pass. I can say that as I get older peace comes a bit more in my life with each passing year.

I hope good things happen for you and I really appreciate your courage to post what you did.

Sincerely, Ross


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#44805 - 08/18/02 01:58 AM Re: Betrayed again, why not just kill me now
Starman Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11
Loc: Tennessee
Wayne,
I was reading through the postings and came upon yours. It really pushed some buttons with me.
I had the same problem of being afraid of sex, even with my wife. It was very tough on her and we have separated twice, but gotten back together both times. We love each other very much. I hope we can keep loving one another. I feel very sad for you, and I hope that you will find some good in this very heart-breaking situation.
Try not to hate. It's like poisoning yourself. Don't wish anyone was in Hell. That frame of mind will be having you experiencing Hell here on Earth. You don't need that. Most of all, try as hard as you can not to blame yourself for any of this. We all do. I do it all the time, so I'm being hypocritical telling YOU not to! But TRY not to. Great pain can often bring us great lessons. Don't let hate or self-blame cause you to miss the lesson. It might be a really great one. It might be about finding joy and a sense of self-worth. Look for it. It's hidiing there somewhere.


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#44806 - 08/19/02 12:18 AM Re: Betrayed again, why not just kill me now
angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/13/02
Posts: 23
As I read this stuff I can't believe how well you are handling all of it. I know you probably feel like it's all falling apart, but I look up to you as you have continually done the right thing and nothing you will regret later. Your entire support system is under attack and you haven't done one regretfull thing. If this is a test your getting 100 percent. I have a strong faith in God to and when everything falls apart for me it is the one thing that holds everything together. As for that preacher, pray for him a lot, forgive him and read Luke 12:48-49 every time you feel the sting of what he did to you:

And that servant who knew his master's will, but did not make ready or act according to his will, shall receive a severe beating. But he who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, shall receive a light beating. Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required; and of him to whom men commit much they will demand the more.

I belong to a prayer group also and when ever anyone is under the kind of incomprehensible attack that you are, they fast. I know that might sound unusual, but you are being tested right now, and tempted. Remember that Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights and the Devil couldn't touch him. That is the best possible advice I can give you although some non-religious members might not understand. If you do fast you will be blown away by the results, trust me. I see your immense pain, but I think your actions are kicking butt and I will remember this when if I ever go through anything like this. I congratulate you again for the way you are handling it. Hang in there.


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