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#447961 - 09/23/13 05:14 AM I can't seem to get past first base
tbkkfile Online   content


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 196
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Hi all

Around 12 months ago after 40 or so years of dissociation I started on my journey of healing, after a couple of very painful months my wife had a breakdown and I was forced to shovel all of the s**t back inside my head, throw it into the room that I'd made a long time ago and relock the door, thankfully she's now recovering well and I feel that I'm able to start again, the trouble is I can't get past first base.

Its like how I was before I decided to take the journey and I really don't know what to do, its like I can't even find the door anymore and its scaring me.
_________________________
Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter

J.R.R.Tolkien, The Hobbit

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#447963 - 09/23/13 06:07 AM Re: I can't seem to get past first base [Re: tbkkfile]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I have just started dealing after 40 some years of my memories being Swiss cheese.

The wife does not know. Not so sure I need to tell her for me to get better. Coming here is a step for me.

I keep hearing that when I am ready and the time is right, I will step forward. No formulas for when.

Peace
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#447983 - 09/23/13 10:55 AM Re: I can't seem to get past first base [Re: tbkkfile]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
What happened in your life to even get you started 12 months ago? Write (to yourself or someone or here) about what happened 12 months ago that started the journey.

Do you remember any of the abuse?

I'm glad your wife is doing better.

Give it time. Read posts here at MS and/or some good books on the subject and it will happen when it does. Most of us don't seem to be able to keep the door closed even when we want to. You're looking for the door so I bet you will find it soon.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#448003 - 09/23/13 03:05 PM Re: I can't seem to get past first base [Re: tbkkfile]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I don't even remember what the "bases" mean.
_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#448053 - 09/24/13 12:05 AM Re: I can't seem to get past first base [Re: tbkkfile]
tbkkfile Online   content


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 196
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Thankyou all for your replies.

Rich1967 - I saw my own mortality and in a lucid moment realised that I'd spent pretty much the whole of my life affected by what had happened, I saw what I had missed in my marriage and in my kids growing up, I saw that I had disconnected from society and I guess I wanted happiness more than pain.

Yes I remember my abuse.
_________________________
Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter

J.R.R.Tolkien, The Hobbit

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#448055 - 09/24/13 12:50 AM Re: I can't seem to get past first base [Re: tbkkfile]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
It sounds like you found the door. You don't have to open it until you are ready. You don't have to be disconnected anymore. It will be painful to open the door, but I think that's part of the journey to find the happiness.

Others here have been through that door and we will go through it with you when you are ready.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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