Around 12 months ago after 40 or so years of dissociation I started on my journey of healing, after a couple of very painful months my wife had a breakdown and I was forced to shovel all of the s**t back inside my head, throw it into the room that I'd made a long time ago and relock the door, thankfully she's now recovering well and I feel that I'm able to start again, the trouble is I can't get past first base.
Its like how I was before I decided to take the journey and I really don't know what to do, its like I can't even find the door anymore and its scaring me.
Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter
J.R.R.Tolkien, The Hobbit