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#447862 - 09/21/13 11:01 PM The policeman and goodbye
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
The policeman sat behind a large desk, I never got to know him, except as a pay grade, a uniform and a title. The Governor is coming, the Senator is waiting, the ashtray stands are in the corner. the state flag drapes behind him. He's a pay grade, an empty uniform and suit. A hat with the grade of "Captain" upon it. State Police Captain VIII, as a matter of fact, to be precise.
My mother is a pig. No one knew. No one cares. Women get away with murder. It's their privilege, especially if it's their sons. Nowhere to go to, nowhere to hide, no one to help me and mortally wounded pride, we sit in the corner, waiting to die. That is the fate of mother-son incest survivors, like me. I speak only for myself of course, but honestly, someone should speak for me, don't you think?
The options dwindle. We play by the rules. It gets us nowhere, except deeper into the hole. We age, we start to smell with the passing of time. People hate us. The only ones who understand men like me are a few members of the super rich. Go figure. But they do sympathize, and they do care. I thank them. They have, in many ways, saved my life up until now. One of them called me her friend; no one else did. She gave me a Bible, hand written notes, she cared. No one else did.
Everyone wants to talk about shallow subjects and chase their dreams, which is understandable, but while other people suffer and wither away, in silence, and without support. That is not right.
I've lived a life of impeccable character, no alcohol, no drugs, never been accused of any wrongdoing by anyone at any time. My personal, intimate life is practically that of a Saint; yet I am judged harshly by those who are allowed to err because they have "been through a lot", when I have been through just as much, and quite possibly more.
But some of us are more equal, and more supported.
Shallow people tend to not even know they are shallow. They brag instead.
The policeman loves me. He does care. And so did my friend from years ago. For that, I am eternally grateful to her for doing so.
Closure is at hand.
I support everyone who is a sexual abuse survivor. It is true we all are the same, we all are deserving of respect, sympathy and love. I just would like to see more of it practiced.


Edited by JoeSmith (10/23/13 01:16 PM)

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#447865 - 09/21/13 11:32 PM Re: The policeman, mother and me [Re: JoeSmith]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
bravo on the poem. my story is different but I relate to so many of the emotions. thank you for sharing. really. thank you.

dont ever feel bad for sharing. this is not a competition. no one is ever going to accuse you of diminishing another's pain just because you share your own. Well, I can't say no one ever will, but no one ever should and if they do they are just wrong.

We all benefit from knowing we aren't alone. What you wrote takes courage.


Edited by Jacob S (09/21/13 11:35 PM)
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#447871 - 09/22/13 12:48 AM Re: The policeman, mother and me [Re: JoeSmith]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 335
Loc: NY
Winning is letting the secret out.

As someone told me when I started here, you are the designer, architect and contractor of your own process. Whatever you use your strength for is right, right now.

I like how whatever feeling came up, you let it speak at that moment. When words find feelings, neither are wasted.

Hope you felt some progress in doing this.

Peace.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#447910 - 09/22/13 02:29 PM . [Re: focusedbody]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#447919 - 09/22/13 03:51 PM Re: The policeman, mother and me [Re: JoeSmith]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 412
Loc: Canada
I just finished writing a long, long response to your story
about how we are similar and different,
and soon realized that ... like I always do ...
I was making it all about me ... again.

'Same' and 'Different' are powerful tools in a recovery process involving group settings.
You can't get this in a one on one thing with a T.

A few simple examples ...

"That exact same thing happened to me ... so why do we view it differently?"
"Nothing like that happened to me ... but I know exactly how you feel!"
"Hey ... if you can spill your guts about that shit ... so can I!"

There are many ... many advantages to being in a group like MS ...
but it comes at a price.
Pain.
Sharing is pain ... for he who writes and he who reads.

If your only doing one ... you're only getting half the benefit.

Thank you for your courage in sharing this with us.

Shawn
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#447941 - 09/22/13 10:50 PM . [Re: Shyshark]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#447945 - 09/22/13 11:38 PM Re: The policeman, mother and me [Re: JoeSmith]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 412
Loc: Canada
Silly you're not ... Mr JoeSmith
:P

Um ... I think I've overcome the awkward bit ... lol

Scary lives in every word I write.
Sometimes I post silly things ... things that just skip effortlessly through my head and then run amok in a poem,
(I suffer delusions of being hilarious)
but mostly I write serious pieces ... and some of them can be very dark.
I also write a lot of things I never submit ... more than half never see the light of day.
It's TOO scary.

... " it's all out there " ...

Yes ...it is ... FOREVER!
Now THAT's scary!

I get so much support and encouragement here in Poetry.
Unlike other areas in MS I feel free to speak here ... which is very liberating ...
and healing.

Some might argue the healing part considering how regularly I fall apart.
I fall a lot ...
but every time someone reaches out and helps me up.

Write Greg.
It's safe to do so here.

smile
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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