I sense that you're confused and frustrated about this.
You are not alone in this, it seems common from what I have been able to ascertain.
I experience similar feelings, not necessarily that I feel like a woman, but not quite a man, or less than a man, inadequate.
I have read 'Victims No Longer', and I'll share some insight I gained from it.
Think about it his way:
We are fed and absorb information from many sources as we grow up.
All the images you recall in TV shows, or commercials, books, in the school yard, from adults, about how men are supposed to be.
Men don't cry, men are strong, men are not afraid, men are in control.
Add into the mix CSA,
For me a time when was not strong, I was afraid, I was certainly not in control.
So my child's mind became confused, by the mixed messages.
As an adult I know I am not a woman, but the conflict still exists.
I am working on it though.
So this kind of feeling, is not abnormal, it may manifest differently in us, but it is normal
and reasonable given that a child had to make some sense of a completely senseless situation.
Thanks for posting this, as it gives me the opportunity to reinforce my understanding of this.
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.
Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)
But you can call me Kevin
Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014