I have to personally disagree with trying to heal without professional help.
While it's possible and maybe even works for some, the success stories I see and hear about involve caring professionals experienced in trauma and assault. It certainly is not everything, maybe even not the most important but non the less for the most part a critical piece of the puzzel.
Connecting with men is the most critical aspect in my opinion. A b oundry driven men's group of carrying understanding men had been the most important part of healing.
I totally get why you and you beloved can't get what you need from a professional... That is the transference that comes from "medical" incest and it makes absolute sense. In essence both of you are survivors of incest, not family incest, but incest non the less.
I have been in the process of relearning how to walk again. I cannot imagine doing it without physical therapists and the other professionals that work with them. A regular person might be able to carry my weight and my wife has always helped with basic stretching at home but it also takes a lot of knowledge of muscle groups, how they work with each other and how to strengthen them, etc. Despite the fact that PT is very necessary I have hard time trusting them because not everyone who goes into "helping professions" has the intention of helping and there are always people lurking about who want to use their position for evil. So my inability to trust has been holding me back in my physical recovery as well as mental recovery.
I mostly was reacting to the idea that a person who is not in therapy is not 'invested' in their recovery. I think even though my wife might never go to therapy for her CSA, she has always done what she can do, and that is enough for me.
what do you mean by incest? I think we might be operating under different definitions. I thought it always involved family?