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#447415 - 09/17/13 12:08 AM IS THIS ANXIETY"?
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 127
Loc: california
Why is it that every time I open up or think about the sexual abuse I suffered when I was 7!!! By a neighbor. I tend to feel as I become feminine! Or just my whole body feels as iam a weak lil boy again but iam thirty now! That's one of the main reasons I don't like remembering what happen since I work construction! I need my masculinity! I feel! As I have a vagina out of nowhere and it kills me I feel as I clinch my butt as iam trying to tense up I feel weak though !!! Sorry I know its an awkward question but I feel like I got nowhere else to ask! In other words I feel loose! And it pisses me off!!! Is this anxiety what am I feeling down in the backside thanks for taking this serious... and your responds.. I just need piece of mind...

Edited by forgive777 (09/17/13 12:30 AM)

#447555 - 09/18/13 04:15 PM Re: IS THIS ANXIETY"? [Re: forgive777]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 652
Hey Forgive777,

I'll admit, I cannot relate to this, but I've talked to a lot of members on MS who share the same problem as you do. You're not alone. Feelings of emasculation are really destructive and hard to keep in check. Thinking about the abuse often takes you back to the time of the abuse - in other words, you age regress. You're that little boy again. It might be anxiety, like you said - stemming from the boy in you fearing that something like that will happen again, and you're transported out of reality and you're reliving your past. Tell him it's OK, that you'll protect him now. You're a strong man who works at construction, and you can and will protect him. Tell him your abuser isn't there anymore.

My Story

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

#447582 - 09/18/13 08:52 PM Re: IS THIS ANXIETY"? [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 127
Loc: california
Thanks! I really never paid attention to this until I had opened up about the abuse...

#447591 - 09/18/13 10:20 PM Re: IS THIS ANXIETY"? [Re: forgive777]
Adam A Gedman Offline

Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Hey forgive777,

I sense that you're confused and frustrated about this.
You are not alone in this, it seems common from what I have been able to ascertain.
I experience similar feelings, not necessarily that I feel like a woman, but not quite a man, or less than a man, inadequate.

I have read 'Victims No Longer', and I'll share some insight I gained from it.
Think about it his way:
We are fed and absorb information from many sources as we grow up.
All the images you recall in TV shows, or commercials, books, in the school yard, from adults, about how men are supposed to be.
Men don't cry, men are strong, men are not afraid, men are in control.
Add into the mix CSA,
For me a time when was not strong, I was afraid, I was certainly not in control.
So my child's mind became confused, by the mixed messages.
As an adult I know I am not a woman, but the conflict still exists.
I am working on it though.
So this kind of feeling, is not abnormal, it may manifest differently in us, but it is normal
and reasonable given that a child had to make some sense of a completely senseless situation.

Thanks for posting this, as it gives me the opportunity to reinforce my understanding of this.
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

#447593 - 09/18/13 11:08 PM Re: IS THIS ANXIETY"? [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 127
Loc: california
Glad iam not the only one in here!!! It just started a few months after I broke up with my ex girlfriend of 5 years!!! And all the depression I was going thru and adding csa it made me feel worst about my self not to mension my dad and I lost are house of 27yrs last year!!! So I am hoping its some kind of depression sympton and I hope I soon get my full confidence back!! One day


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