The question has come up from time to time here on MS should I tell the person I am dating or marrying that I have been abused and the answer is YES!!!
It's not really that simple. I was told very early in my relationship with my H, but he told it in such a straightforward, nonchalant way that it came across to me that this confident, charismatic person had something horrible happen to him and he overcame it.
It was only much, much later that I was able to string together all the signs: suicidal thoughts, fear of children, cutting, affairs, and extreme porn use as a comprehensive picture of the effect his CSA had on him. I couldn't have understood that 13 years ago, even 5 years ago.
Knowing what I know now, I am not sure I would have stayed. I do know I would have done/handled things so very differently. But that is only with the full knowledge of CSA is and its life long effects. And really, who could possible know this casually??
Someone wrote in this forum recently that they think their H is with them only out of a sense of safety. Boy did that ring bells with me. I know my husband loves me, but I too wonder if it isn't really only of out a sense of comfort. I am not sure I am loved in the way I deserve to be loved. I consider that a separate issue though. CSA is not responsible for all the things that have gone wrong in this marriage.
So, circling back, yes, I think CSA survivors should tell as soon as they are able, but even that knowledge up front doesn't necessarily do anything for the spouse/partner. It does, however tend to amplify all the other typical problems of a relationship.