It does give hope to see that you aren't alone. There are nearly 12,000 guys here who you can learn from, and will understand what you think and feel when you are ready to put it all to words.
Take your time. The is no schedule to recovery. It happens when you are ready to let it happen. Be good to yourself.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell