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#447214 - 09/14/13 05:31 PM Re: Abusive mother's obituary [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 215
Loc: California
I have been reading this thread with interest. I guess I had a totally different reaction to it. I don't think I would really qualify this as having revenge. I would say that this is an instance of a family of abused kids finally having an opportunity to have a say in what happened without the perpetrator having the opportunity to recount or recant or malign the actual victims. They finally get a last word in without possibility of response. I think it was an expression of justice, of balancing the scales.

Isn't this what we want when taking perpetrators to court? Don't we want in some way to get some justice, but also to show to the rest of the world what monsters these people are. True, they did not air their grievances in a court of law, but they are doing so in the court of public opinion.

I know it is not good to hang on to anger forever and I applaud people who have found a way to forgiveness. I am admittedly not at that place yet, so that may be coloring my response here. But, I can't say that I will ever forgive the people who abused me so horrendously. I mean, I'm still working on forgiving myself for what I did in the CSA. Who cares about the perps and their feelings? That is between them and their higher power. Chastising these siblings just strikes me as blaming the victims and sympathy for the perpetrator. We have enough judges, church officials, and deniers in other organizations to do that. Maybe this family is just not there yet in terms of forgiveness, and this was the only thing that allowed them to feel like they had gotten a say in what this perpetrator did to them.

I guess my issue is that they hardly did anything to stain this woman forever, or in the eyes of whatever higher power she believed in or will confront. It is a newspaper obituary, and that is all it is. Most people will read it as a passing curiosity, and forget about it. Those that know her, will think about it and maybe question her character and behavior. But, really the only ones that it will have any lasting impact will be the people that wrote it. And even there, I don't feel it is anything like carving it in stone on her tombstone or anything.

I for one, was glad they had their say. I raised a fist in triumph to read it. They may regret it one day, and may have wished they had done differently. But, we will never know. We don't know what went on to lead to this obituary. But, just imagine what kind of lives they had to push them to printing this. I am glad they released this, if that is the sort of closure they need.
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#447230 - 09/14/13 08:52 PM ! [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:45 PM)

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