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#445507 - 08/26/13 03:58 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: Blessedcurse]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 192
Loc: USA
Thanks Puffer, and while there was WEIRD stuff going in my childhood, I don't think it was my perpetrators or myself ever having allegedly been part of that MKUltra or any other "hidden" operative programs alleged to have existed or that might exist today. Of course, he was formerly in the Military and his nephew was also in the Air Force.

I was just a child at the wrong time; and just in the wrong place.....

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#445577 - 08/27/13 11:04 AM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: GeorgeMartin]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I'm worried now that MKUltra worked on me (I think) when I was in the hospital for tonsillectomy when I was 13. I've known that evil things were done during my summercamp experience when I was 12. The abuser is shown in the YouTube vid at the end of the post. I've always suspected that some naughty things were done when I was under anesthetic for the tonsillectomy. Guys with DID don't respond to anesthetic the way everybody else does. There's can be an alter who will remain conscious during surgery. When it was all over, I couldn't talk (literally) above a whisper. What kinds of programming did they do? The aphonia lasted about 3 1/2 years. It may have been in Walter Reed Hospital, I'm not sure.

Were other things done that I just can't remember? Now it has occurred to me that my father might have been paid (yes money) to allow them to work on me. Why? They bought a new car a few months later. In one of the books I'm reading, a grandfather sold his granddaughter to the CIA for experimentation.

Reference: A Nation Betrayed: Secret Cold War Experiments Performed on our Children and Other Innocent People by Carol Rutz

My abuser (programmer) may be viewed in this at 5:53 in uniform without a hat leaning on the desk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prQpG1k9UcY

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (08/27/13 04:45 PM)

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#446644 - 09/07/13 07:56 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
In the news a lot recently: sarin nerve agent.

If you want to see an introduction to what it is, look at the vid in the preceding post

Sorry, it has apparently been withdrawn. That shows that someone is following this.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (09/07/13 07:58 PM)

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#446662 - 09/08/13 04:06 AM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: Blessedcurse]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 192
Loc: USA
Well, that DMCA..... Digital Millennium Copyright Act....

Lovely dear.... just lovely.... and to assume we all live in a FREE "civilization"....

That's like thinking Monkey's wear clothes and take the Tram to work every day....

There is a very FINE LINE between "Civilization" and the chaos of Man's ability to destroy that which is Creator's Creation.

It makes the "Wilderness" seem tame in comparison, don't you think?

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#446690 - 09/08/13 04:39 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: GeorgeMartin]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Well, yes.

Having did through my childhood and onward made things very difficult.

I had therapy for it a few years after I had strong memories of the abusive events.

Now I'm finding that I still have some very needy areas in my life. I know of two types of instances now where I still have D.I.D. In both of these I napped in the afternoon with either FM music or TV on. During deep sleep a part of me was still awake. The part remaining awake is an alter personality. I don't know much about him yet. But he doesn't sleep with the rest of the body but stays awake and listens deeply to the FM radio or the sound of the TV. After I awaken I have some memory of what was going on. He was awake today during whatever program (a 60's teen program) and began to weep loudly. So I think he's a teen or a kid. Another recent occurrence of this was when I was sleeping during CSI and he became very involved with the program.

This probably won't make sense to a lot of people, but to me it's real progress because I'm becoming aware of this stuff.

Puffer

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#446981 - 09/12/13 12:23 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I found this in Facebook

http://www.upworthy.com/what-s-schizophrenia-like-a-woman-who-hears-voices-explains-it-beautifully-2

It is assumed that she has schizophrenia. She presents it so beautifully. However I take issue that it's schizophrenia. I think it's D.I.D. Of course I don't know all of the issues and symptoms involved. Schizophrenia is often misdiagnosed by those who are not familiar with D.I.D.

Why? The voices were connected with things done to her in her past. The voices didn't seem to be mostly fanciful, but seemed to be consistent with how alters respond in D.I.D. I have had this to some extent. Even as a small boy (age 8) I can remember having arguments with myself as I came home from school. Yet my behavior never seemed any more out of proportion than any other 8-year-old.

As my understanding of these matters sharpens, I realize that I'm constantly hearing music. It's like I have my own ROM player in my head. But it's good. It's nice. Doesn't everybody hear music in their head? How would I know? But I think they do sometimes. When things are quiet, or as I am getting into bed, I hear a repeat performance of some music I've heard or played recently. Yesterday my T looked at this matter. It seems that when I was being abused at age 4, I was in a crib in an upstairs room in the house of the guy who abused me. I was standing up in a crib where I was to sleep. I was enthralled as I listened to the music he played on the phonograph. He used lots of music in his profession. So now I still have that young guy in my head. He's listening to music. He not only listens, but he analyzes it. He takes it apart phrase by phrase and plays it back. He is still a kid because he hasn't ever had much chance to get out into the sunlight. But he's not the one who argues. There are others. They are capable of healing or becoming "integrated". Some of them are riddled with sexual emotion from abuse. They need help. Otherwise, would I want to "heal" the music guy? Maybe not.

Puffer

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#446998 - 09/12/13 03:18 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: Blessedcurse]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 613
Loc: where the shadows lie
Schizophrenia does often present voices that are connected with the patient's past (many hear their parents, for example). The voice she talks about is definitely somewhat dissociated from her own sense of self, but "the voice" doesn't seem to have its own interests and perception of consciousness.

I have DID. I also have auditory hallucinations of my mother yelling at me. A voice is not a personality, and the speaker never talks about another person taking over the body or holding different memories. From my limited perspective across a computer screen, Schizophrenia doesn't sound right either though because she talks about them being eased by being validated, and I've never heard of that in pure Schizophrenia. So it probably is on the dissociative spectrum.

Its definitely very interesting and thanks for sharing. Whatever the specific diagnosis, I think there is a lot here we can reflect on.
_________________________


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#447014 - 09/12/13 07:43 PM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: Jacob S]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Jacob S: That's an excellent response.

Puffer

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#447428 - 09/17/13 03:52 AM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: Blessedcurse]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 192
Loc: USA
To me, I don't understand what's the big deal about alter personalities, multiple personalities, or dissociative identity disorder as they have called it. So what if somebody asks to see a person with this condition, to "switch". What are "we"???? Some Carnival Freak Show, now slapped all over You Tube, going from an American accent to some Cockney or Irish accent, as if that is a "switch" or personality?

That, to me, is a load of horse pucky pretender-acting-charlatan sort of stuff. I mean really, c'mon please.... stop the Hollywood...

Here's what I do know. First off, no one wants this condition. No one says, "hey, Frank, step into to this body, while I go get a drink will ya...." or "switches" just the heck of it, on a dime for anybody.

And even if it does happen, a "switch" in identity or what have you, it isn't like we want the aggressor's or the audience to know that we are gone... like hello, it is a cloaking mechanism. Abracadabra, poof someone else takes over the body. If the aggressor(s) know what's happening, they will insist that the switching/dissociating stop. Because the aggressor(s) want the victim(s) FULL ATTENTION, and if they know they don't have the victim(s) full attention, then there's trouble to be had.

So it is a INTERNAL condition (at least at first) wherein, it isn't 'seen' by anyone on the 'outside'. If it is 'seen' by people on the 'outside' then what's the point of having the condition at all(?) This isn't like Mr. Hyde and Mr. Jekyl. And it sure as heck isn't about 'accent change(s) either!

This condition isn't some movie scripted description either. It's not United States of Tara or Sybil or even When Rabbit Howls.

Primal Fear was an absolute joke. And there is Raising Cain with John Lithgow or that other actor Kevin Costner in Mr. Brooks, or even John Cusack in Identity. Hollywood has a long list of their very periodic obsessive curiosity regarding dual personalities, MPD, DID etc.

And I am just plain sick of it actually.

There are people out there in the world that mimic this MPD/DID condition, because they think it's cool, or it's faddish or whatever. Gets them some sort of attention, because they are insecure, so they pretend to be other people. I don't know what they have mentally, but sure as hell isn't dissociative identities or what have you. Not really.

Again, this condition, isn't something someone want's or desires to have, especially as they get older, because it gets more and more difficult to 'cover' to keep it all internally cloaked.

What really pisses me off is when some person comes up and says, hey how many personalities do you have? Or can you switch into a different personality for me?

This isn't like turning on a light switch, going into a room, and then when your leaving that room, you turn the light switch off. Perhaps to fakers that's how it is, but it isn't like that, not in reality for those that have this condition.

Oh and one other movie Fight Club, now that was a really awesome movie, but again, it's Hollywood we're talking about there. Not reality. DID isn't cool, it isn't fun, its not a 'status' like a embroidery patch sewn on a jacket either. Or getting a particular haircut because it's the IN thing...

Have you ever seen a cat stalk a bird? How it (the bird) is minding its own business thinking its a wonderful world, and then BAM some f'n cat comes along and tries to devour it. But as the heart rate increases in the bird, as the Adrenalin pumps into the birds system, it overloads its tiny body, and it seems to be, that it is lunch... then all of a sudden the bird amazingly gets a lucky hand, and escapes to fly off nearby, panting (out of breath or trying to catch its breath) and trying to recalculate this metabolic rate etc? One would surmise the bird would have died, immediately; but then it somehow survives. Only later, the bird is found dead laying on the ground, having been unable to live, after such an assault on it's fragile system, yet the predator has left the scene....

In the young human mind, this too happens, but somehow something else happens. The system re-configures itself, rewires internally, how the system operates, and every time an assault takes places, again it layers and layers a rewiring of the system happens. Eventually, then an extreme PTSD kicks in, even when there is no physical harm, but mere a perceived harm/ or threat, much like a soldier hearing a gun shot would duck, on conditioning, being at the library years later, a book falls, and he ducks again out of conditioning. With D.I.D., this is what happens, based on conditioning of the brain, in order to survive, real or perceived danger, usually biologically to the body, or mentally to the mind of a child.

It is done when the mind is soft, and internally malable, before the child becomes ready to begin the changes of puberty usually. Maybe it's how the wires or flow of chemicals and electrical circuitry is within the brain, that allows development of personality/personalities, in the beginning, that say for a 12 to 15 year old child or later in age, just can't do. The conditioning internally has to be done at an EARLY age. Also I think there has to be unpredictability within the environment, an overwhelming tension internally and externally for the child. One doesn't develop D.I.D. or formerly MPD just because they scrape their knees now and then.

Anyway, that's my thoughts for the early morning, about D.I.D.

George

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#447450 - 09/17/13 10:35 AM Re: D.I.D. (Possible Triggers) [Re: GeorgeMartin]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
Originally Posted By: GeorgeMartin

And even if it does happen, a "switch" in identity or what have you, it isn't like we want the aggressor's or the audience to know that we are gone... like hello, it is a cloaking mechanism. Abracadabra, poof someone else takes over the body. If the aggressor(s) know what's happening, they will insist that the switching/dissociating stop. Because the aggressor(s) want the victim(s) FULL ATTENTION, and if they know they don't have the victim(s) full attention, then there's trouble to be had.

So it is a INTERNAL condition (at least at first) wherein, it isn't 'seen' by anyone on the 'outside'. If it is 'seen' by people on the 'outside' then what's the point of having the condition at all(?) This isn't like Mr. Hyde and Mr. Jekyl. And it sure as heck isn't about 'accent change(s) either!


Thank you for saying this.

My wife has DID and has been having some trouble understanding it because it doesn't manifest itself at work or other times when having a "switch" would have adverse effects on her life. I have told her that most people are walking around with single-speed brains but her brain is like a mountain bike, it has adapted different modes for dealing with difficult terrain. I have been with her for many years and only recently have I started to see the subtleties between different identities and personality fragments. It is a process and we are both still learning a lot.
_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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