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#446921 - 09/11/13 06:48 PM How many of my issues are related to CSA?
Banjo596 Offline


Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 44
Loc: Ohio
Still learning, contemplating many things on my path to healing.
With my counselor, I talk about my relationship with my soon to be ex wife. I talked about the possibility/fact that the relationship was always dysfunctional on both our parts.
I have a tendency to blame all my relationship problems on the CSA, but my counselor suggests the possibility that not all my "problems" (my words) might trace back to the CSA. Many people who were not abused have similar problems.
I'm sure things like this are a reason why counseling/therapy can go on for a long time, trying to figure it all out...
When he told me that, it makes me feel better in some way, like maybe I have come along with my healing, or maybe not all my problems/challenges are related to abuse, but at the same time, I am confused because I WAS abused and that is my only frame of reference.
Make sense?
Can anyone help me make some sense of it?
_________________________
Jeff

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#446945 - 09/11/13 11:13 PM Re: How many of my issues are related to CSA? [Re: Banjo596]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1536
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Banjo596
...I have a tendency to blame all my relationship problems on the CSA, but my counselor suggests the possibility that not all my "problems" (my words) might trace back to the CSA...
On the one hand, once I began to deal with and learn about the effects of CSA in my life, so many of my "problems" that had me puzzled began to make sense. On the other hand, as your T said, people with no CSA history can have similar problems.

I think the bottom line is that whatever the root of our "problems" are, we have to face them and make whatever changes are neccesary to live a better life. Knowing the cause, such as CSA, can give us better insights into our problems, but our solutions aren't in the past, they are today.

Jude
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#446947 - 09/11/13 11:34 PM Re: How many of my issues are related to CSA? [Re: Banjo596]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 611
Loc: VA
Banjo & Jude:

Spot on--I continually remind myself that things other than CSA can cause problems... though what a coincidence that basically all of my worst emotional problems (and some of the physical ones) are listed in every book on CSA that I've ever read. They also suddenly overwhelmed my coping skills when the CSA flashbacks started.

Coincidence? You decide! All I can do at this point is damage control, whatever the cause. Peace!

John

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#446992 - 09/12/13 02:19 PM Re: How many of my issues are related to CSA? [Re: Banjo596]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1996
Loc: durham, north england
I remember once asking "is it just the csa? or is there something more seriously wrong with me" thinking I might have some sort of genetic tendency towards depression.

The response I got was that that is saying "is it just the earth quake?"

That's generally how I think about it.

Imagine you have a building. This building gets stresses, breakdowns, flaws and problems, however all of those are mostly manageable things provided normal maintanence happens, however bam! you have the earthquake, all those stresses are multiplies 100 fold, and what might have previously just been a miner fracture, fixable with a little putty and a hammer turns into a massive gaping hole requiring a complete rebuilding.

I know myself not all my problems are because of the abuse. My isolation is at least partially to do with having a disability, and I had as much being told I was worthless at my boarding school at 8 long before my abuse happened later. however the abuse exasserbated all of these things. I assume the isolation is my fault, i struggle with worthlessness so complete it is painful, I have the apothy, the depression, I experience genophobia and other symptoms that make relationships an utter impossibility (which is directly abuse related.


No, not all the causes! might be due to the abuse, (accept perhaps for the genophobia and tactile defensiveness), however the effects! are far worse than they would have been without.

Of course, Self knolidge is the only antidote.

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#447012 - 09/12/13 06:48 PM Re: How many of my issues are related to CSA? [Re: Banjo596]
Banjo596 Offline


Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 44
Loc: Ohio
Good analogy Dark Empathy.
_________________________
Jeff

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