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#446742 - 09/09/13 06:55 PM A letter to my inner child
Banjo596 Offline


Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 39
Loc: Ohio
Reading Joining Forces and got to the part about writing a letter to my inner child (pre-abuse).
I picked up a note book and pen and words started flowing. Everything I wrote to my child self was positive, complimentary statements, telling him he is smart, confident, has a great attitude and such hope for the future, things like that.
My inner child wrote back to me, words came easy, and my inner child wanted to know why I was so unhappy? He reminded me that we had big dreams for the future, said he was sad that I am hurting and wanted to know how he could help.
It was very emotional for me, the first time I have ever done it.
Now I am wondering why is it that my inner child is trying to comfort and reassure me? Is not the point for me, the adult, to reassure my inner child?
_________________________
Jeff

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#446787 - 09/10/13 04:31 AM Re: A letter to my inner child [Re: Banjo596]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
Does it have to be one way or the other? Wouldn't your younger self have cared about your hurts, wanted to cheer or comfort someone who was down?

Recognizing that, isn't that part of the good things you're trying to get in touch with? If abuse damages our view of the future, and ourselves, maybe our inner children see the future a little more clearly.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#446790 - 09/10/13 07:16 AM Re: A letter to my inner child [Re: Banjo596]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1483
Loc: New England
Hey Banjo,

No need to question it. The point is just having that dialog with yourself and gaining insights into what happened to that boy you were, and where you are now. Good work.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#446793 - 09/10/13 08:27 AM Re: A letter to my inner child [Re: Banjo596]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1554
Connecting with the inner child is important in healing. It seems your inner child wants to help you-how wonderful. For some the inner child is where all the pain, hurt and love for the abuser resides. But each inner child is different--yours has the love and wants to share it with you, mine wanted love that I deprived him of for a lifetime. But talking and connecting will bring you a more fulfilling life. Keep going and you are moving forward--always great to hear.

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#446831 - 09/10/13 01:48 PM Re: A letter to my inner child [Re: Banjo596]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
Banjo,

The inner child did a lot of things to protect you over the years to keep you a live. I don't find it surprising that he's still trying.

I remembering being in therapy and having the hardest time really embracing the inner child stuff. Between therapy and the discussions at MS I have a much better understanding of it's importance. By what you wrote and the way you wrote it I think you are seeing the importance too and that's a real achievement.

I'm sure if you keep the conversation going you will discover more things.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#446845 - 09/10/13 04:34 PM Re: A letter to my inner child [Re: Banjo596]
Banjo596 Offline


Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 39
Loc: Ohio
Thanks for the replies. I do believe that my pre-abuse inner child is trying to reassure me that dreams for the future are acceptable/attainable and can still apply to my life all these years later. I'm going through a lot right now with the abuse, the divorce, a new, single life, and let's hope not - a mid-life crisis as a result of it all!??
I don't really feel the mid-life crises, I've got all I can handle right now wink
I am trying to get back to a place of love and compassion, through mindfulness, inspirational reading and a counselor.
I am positive for my present and my future, realizing all we really have is right now.
_________________________
Jeff

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#446860 - 09/10/13 06:47 PM Re: A letter to my inner child [Re: Banjo596]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
This stuff is a bit strange to me, but it does work, no doubt about that.

When I was in EMDR, I frequently would write about or take note of something that was like this black shadowy presence that kept trying to move around (this was all imagined while I was doing the actual EMDR, something of a body feeling, I don't know what else exactly to call it) the more I kept trying to resolve some of the issues I had. Turned out that it was my "inner child" when everything was said and done.

In a nutshell, a lot of anger and a lot of hurt. As an adult, I still feel embarrassed about my childhood and adolescence, not just from the CSA, but many other things. I was spoiled, whiny, chubby, and entitled in my childhood. As a teenager, things were decidedly darker. I was often angry or just plain weird. I used to just act really weird all the time, probably as a means to keep people at arms length. That was in contrast to really just wanting to fit in and be able to experience the things my peers were able to experience. Such is life.

On the flip side, here's my inner child looking forward at my adult self, and my adult self going "I do not like who you were and I do not like remembering how I felt back when I was your age. That's not your fault though". I feel like in many ways, my adulthood has been one giant 180 degree turn from my childhood. I view it as a necessary adjustment though. I became more empathetic, more in touch with my own emotions, able to stand up for myself, more assertive, more willing to do what needed to be done for the betterment of others I was working with, more social, and more athletic. I view all of these as positive developments in my life, but at the same time, those things developed out of disgust, contempt, and loathing for who I used to be.

Despite all that, if I could go back in time, I would find my young self, give me a hug, and tell me to listen up while adult me imparted all the life lessons I've learned in the time since. As you said though, all we have is now, and though I would LOVE a reset button or at least a rewind button, that would erase much of who I am now, for better or worse. That and it's impossible!

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