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#430334 - 04/06/13 10:51 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Kind Sir- kb,

I have been posting and reading on the MS site since mid-January. I have never met you, but this morn I read the first post in this thread from 2011 and then skipped a few pages and read more of what you wrote. Your words lift me up and remind that each day someone somewhere close by needs an affirming word or smile or whatever.

I probably am too old now to break with much success the habit of being a "loner", but I have developed a nice circle of friends that I can call if need be. As you said, step out and help others. Well, again, you are correct on that. I am now a volunteer at several organizations, all since the first of the new year, including the local AVOL which really needs emotionally mature, intelligent people to lift others up. And in the process of helping others, my burdens are lightened.

I have also been with someone close who dealt with cancer. Her fight was, as you say, not about CSA or addiction or even about dignity. It was about making "tomorrow" the best it could be by loving and caring and reaching out as long as possible. It was about making each ensuing day better than the day before.

I lift you up, sir, and thank you for giving me thoughts worth reading and moments worth recalling. For you, I wish continued strength of heart.

b
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#430345 - 04/06/13 01:13 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Kb is an awesome dude..... hope he reads your post.

It does get better.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#430521 - 04/08/13 01:37 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Thanks, itís very kind of you both to say . Itís not always easy to stay upbeat about any aspect of life. CSA is God awful, but recovery from any trauma possible. It takes some ongoing TLC, but we can heal & thrive. I've seen it guys.

Just this weekend a good friend asked me to sit and talk because he was having 9-11 flashbacks. He was at WTC, saw it all. Some work stress clearly had triggered him. Sounds familiar right?

But I donít look at him as my 9-11 survivor friend, he does not know of my CSA; he just values me as a pal.

I had not looked back to what I wrote way back till now. Itís nice in that many of the people I mention have really healed. Now and then I see a post saying where are these guys? Well I can account for some I know as real names faces and voices, not screen names. And they are doing well. They are the silent majority @ MS working with their support group to thrive.

The guy I am closest to @ MS never posts or chats. He has truly defined himself and healed early in life. Part of that is being a loyal friend, a trusted source of peer support on recovery, but ultimately the measure of him, or any of us, is that he is a very good man who will do good everywhere. CSA gets no credit for any of that.

I suppose we all could regret having to make that type friendship here & this way, but in the end it gets better when you see recovery is possible, survivor support makes a difference, and the only label worth putting on another man who helps is the label of being called a true friend.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#430529 - 04/08/13 02:52 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Great words as always, dude.

I too have a bunch of friends from here, from all around the world, actively healing and taking the steps to live life.

Unfortunately not enough of the success stories are heard, doesn't mean they†as not happening.

Sure there are bumps, but its definitely worth it.

Good Support group with boundaries has helped.


Edited by Castle (04/08/13 02:54 PM)
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#438137 - 06/14/13 12:03 AM HAPPY FATHERS DAY: T DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Happy Fathers Day. For some here its a tough line to say. For me it isn't always easy to hear.

I came here after literally pulling the plug on my dad. It ain't like you see on TV by a the way. But it made me face up to the reality of CSA & that helped it get better.

One key goal was to be sure I was a better Dad than I had. I can't judge that. The 3 I named get to. But I try.

Recovery, life, parenting even are imperfect processes. Ya got to count on speed bumps and potholes. I help run hospitals and and the first guy I named now has some intense scars on his chest ribs and back courtesy of some Docs I work with. I find it ironic but the truth is they took it real personal I trusted him to them. Sometimes it gets better if you change your point of view.

So never give up on recovery or yourself or your fellow survivor friends. I've said before there is a quiet majority not posting not on chat but making huge strides. I know a few as far more than screen names and it has gotten better for me & for them. And every day without fail they remind me of that.

And for them and for me I thank you all and wish you each the peace and happiness we all deserve.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#442872 - 08/01/13 08:45 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
A member dropped me a pm and said he liked my rants so I figured I'd share some more.

Letting it get better is a task. Ya gotta work it. I think many of us learned we do get better but there are some lasting effects we identify in recovery that need care.

For me and a few others here that's involved privately working together in the real world in support of each other. MS PMs are secondary to talking email texts etc.

That takes trust, a HUGE word for us all.

I've met some fakes here. I guess we all have. But I've also let some really good men into my life from MS. And ya know I can honestly say I've always been shown respect and care and of course given the same to anyone here who knows my name face and voice. That's pretty astonishing and good too. Some still struggle some are thriving but each man is someone who has taught me something about recovery and about life.

The guy I work most closely here is a younger member from Canada. He joked recently how we are all crazy, and crazy is good! He's also a true thriver in recovery. And I know my daily shouts of support, and his constant texts with music choices and pictures of his original art work are the tools we use to constantly remind each other that we are strong good men who were hurt as boys, but teamed up together to insure it does get better.

So thanks to us all and please keep healing.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#446555 - 09/06/13 08:44 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
At times I guess I feel I have to push this out hoping there is some counter balance to the hurt many here speak to.

I never would claim I'm better or stronger than anyone here. I'm sure what progress I make is due to those men here who work with me and support each other.

1 is real down and it hurts to watch him stall. And others are thriving, which is awesome.

But there is real hope here with the men I count on. Astonishingly so in some cases.

So please keep up the good fight. Please help each other. Please care at home for anyone in need. We are good men and that's what we do.

As my biggest supporter here would say, we are crazy, crazy is good, crazy is fun, I like being a bit crazy.

He's right. Its all perspective. Sometimes it gets better if ya are at peace with being a bit crazy.

Be well all.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#446571 - 09/06/13 01:51 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Glad you bumped this again, kb8715 smile I needed that boost again.

I've kind of withdrawn into my own shell at the moment and haven't been supporting others as much as I'd like, but at least, I think, in my own way, I'm putting up a good fight for myself.
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Husky

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#449002 - 10/02/13 03:22 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
An incident in chat a few days ago got me thinking about this thread again. For the sake of anonymity, I'm keeping the name of the member with whom I shared the PM chat strictly private.

*Possible triggers*

I had been talking to him for quite a while, for maybe close to a year. When we first started talking, he was in bad shape. He was having trouble with his family, finances, jobs and everything. More than once he disclosed to me about contemplating s**c*** and he even told me he had one failed attempt; he was also sharing a room with someone who took advantage of him often, not to mention potential employers who would do the same in exchange for a 'job', which, of course, never materialized. I did my best and kept trying to encourage him, telling him things would get better, that he shouldn't give up.

A few months went by without me hearing back from him, and I was admittedly quite worried.

Well, a few days ago, I 'bumped into' him again in chat. It had been a few months since we'd chatted. He got himself a new job - a good one, paying him enough to live comfortably, and had also gotten himself a new place to stay. He's also in a very good and stable relationship now - in fact we had to cut the conversation short because he was off to see his boyfriend. I can't begin to describe to you how it felt when I heard about his progress. I was so proud of him and inspired, and just damn HAPPY. Seeing him in such high spirits, bubbly and lively, and knowing he was doing well tipped me over the edge and had me in tears. I sat there crying. It really made my night.

So, repeating what kb8715 has said here - IT DOES GET BETTER. Keep at it, everyone.
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Husky

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#449027 - 10/02/13 11:01 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
Nice
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BertG777

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