Lee, its always okay to share things of the heart. It seems we both may be somewhere in the same chapter in reading our life. As I posted in the member section, I am trying to understand and come to terms with my position in the family as you speak. One brother and I were talking and he detailed out some big event that my dad was involved in with us, and I could not recall it. I remember the story, but couldn't recall Dad's involvement.
I have said before on MS, I have for whatever reason blocked out large chunks of my life from my childhood. I know there is a reason. I encountered a lot of those reasons last week when I was with them at the hospital.
It okay to be angry or frustrated with the way your mom and others failed to show you the necessary love. It is okay to be angry because she should have given you the pictures of you and your dad and mom years and years ago. They would have given you great comfort.
Now you have them. Frame them. Do as I did when I discovered the avatar pic I used for a while... sleep with them nearby, just as you would a favorite stuff toy. I did. Brought me great comfort last winter.
As far as feeling valued, it was their great loss. Perhaps their greatest loss. What they missed out on was a wonderful, intelligent, sincere man who would be there for them in an instant. A great son, a great brother. And his family. And they chose not to value that. ( The same happened to me... and still does. Not valued. Although I will say a couple of the siblings seemed to want to love me last week, as if they saw me differently and actually asked for my advice in dealing with the illness... but...).
You are a wise, good man and give feedback and honesty here. As you settle into your new home, make it the best, safest place you can. And hold those pictures close to you. Remember as you sort through this segment of the abuse to lift Lee up and remember him for who he is today. I am so glad you are posting again. Missed your thoughts.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.