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#446370 - 09/03/13 08:44 PM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3377
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Husky -

i have followed this thread with interest and excitement - willing you on to do well. i am in no way a musician - so didn't feel i had anything to add - but then thought of how i would feel before a play and see if that might transfer. so - here it is - for whatever it is worth.

in preparing for a performance an actor must become the character he or she is portraying. i am guessing that you have chosen pieces of music that speak to you deeply and express something that you intensely wish to communicate. with that in mind - may you "become the music" - lose yourself in the moment and play for the joy (and any other relevant emotion) of the compositions - and not just for the audience's approval. i hope you won't even think of success or failure - or any degrees thereof. my favorite director always told us just before curtain - "have fun with it!"

all the best as you finish well,
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#446939 - 09/11/13 10:09 PM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Guys, thanks for the support again. Though I haven't replied on this thread in a while, I do come back to it often to reinvigorate myself - it's crazy how much knowing you guys will be there in spirit means to me. Last two days (and a half?) before the concert. If anything, it's been a real good opportunity to train myself mentally. Know where my limits are, and when to push them. When to be humble, when to be hopeful and demand more from myself. When to take a break. I was at a bar tonight after practicing, and they were playing "Que sera sera" (roughly meaning whatever happens, happens...) - thought it was a fitting motto for my situation at the moment. I will be practicing hard the next two days - final few laps of the race.
_________________________
Husky

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#447008 - 09/12/13 05:54 PM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
Husky,

I'm so excited for you! Break a leg. I looked it up and apparently that phrase is ok for musicians as well as actors just in case there was some confusion as to whether I was really talking to Lee or to you :-)

I hope you let us know how it turns out.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#447136 - 09/13/13 07:20 PM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 335
Loc: NY
Husky:

I know it doesn't really apply but.....rock on.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#447362 - 09/16/13 02:32 PM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Hey guys.

The concert is finally over.

First of all, a big thanks to all you guys who supported me throughout the last month. It was amazing, and I truly appreciate it.

As for the concert - I wish I could say it went fantastic, but it wasn't great. I made tons of mistakes (but at least I didn't stop in the middle of any piece). It wasn't horrendous either, but nor was it as cathartic as I had hoped. The venue and the piano weren't great, and there were a lot of no shows - a modest eight listeners, all my friends, in the audience.

But.

It was a GREAT learning experience and a lesson in life for me. It's taught me humility. I'm not perfect, I have shortcomings and many faults - but at the same time, I've learned that these are things I can always work on and constantly improve. I learned to prioritize, and sacrifice things - namely, my social life - for the sake of an important goal. I learned GRATITUDE. I am so, incredibly lucky to have the friends I have, and the support from MS to pull me through rough times. I learned the importance of positive self-talk. A lot of the times, I'd sit at a coffee shop and read about success stories, and really just enter into a dialogue with myself - telling myself I can do it, that hard work conquers all, that (this is so corny, but it worked for me) diamonds are made under pressure, that perfection (as Voltaire said) requires the helping hand of time. I learned what perseverance and courage mean. Acknowledging my fears of failure and rejection, and still motivating myself enough (from inspiring quotes, and from kind words from members here and my friends) to be overcome to keep working hard, despite those fears. In my first piece, which was about 15 minutes long, I wanted to stop so many times and just throw in the towel - say to the audience, "Guys, I'm sorry, I can't do this." But I pushed on...and it gradually got easier and easier, and I finished the whole thing, even playing a little encore at the end. Two days before the concert, I got an e-mail from the venue I had originally booked, telling me that my booking got cancelled. I was relieved in some ways, because I thought this would give me the perfect excuse to cancel the entire concert and save myself from any risk of embarrassment. I powered through my doubt, and after a few hours, I got down to researching and finding an alternative venue to perform. Man, did I want to give up and just call the whole thing off. But I didn't. I didn't give up.

In light of the CSA, I guess the biggest thing I learned from this is that no one experience is going to 'remedy' it. It is such a cliche, but really, it is the process that matters, and the process is something that is going to be forever ongoing, and something that needs to be constantly maintained. You don't simply become a happy, confident, successful person with a click of the fingers - and more, even if that does happen, you don't stay that way without hard work. It takes discipline, and a lot of self-monitoring. Also, I learned that change is gradual, and they require turtle steps. The hare and tortoise legend isn't just a story...it is so true. You have to keep up the slow, small steps in working towards your goal - and eventually, you WILL reach that finish line. It takes time and patience, and faith - even if it's sometimes no longer within your mental and logical capacity to believe good things can happen. You have to feel it'll happen, against the odds. It's a complicated process with many variables.

There are things I can be really proud of, though. For the first time ever since I started 'dealing' with my problems and the CSA, I worked hard. Four of my fingers are still a little bloody from all the practicing. I also focused (i.e. blocked out CSA) enough to be able to memorize and perform about two hours of music all alone, without the assistance of anyone. That's given me hope for the future, as well as confidence and self-belief. I think having had this goal, this determination to do something for myself, really stayed true to the original title of this post, 'Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream.' The dream isn't realized yet, of course, but like I said earlier, the process is underway. And it's an incredible feeling.

I am already preparing my next concert.

Thank you all again for your words of encouragement, and for keeping up my spirits when I needed it the most.
_________________________
Husky

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#447363 - 09/16/13 03:11 PM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
Thank you so much for letting us know how it turned out. It's been a journey for you and one that you were able to share with us and I'm sure it has and will help others on their journey. It was awesomely hopeful and inspiring for me - thank you.

I'm very happy for you that you see it as a great leaning experience even though it wasn't perfect. You really did learn a lot of things that will help you along the way.

I'm sure the next concert will be even better, and the next one...
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#447398 - 09/16/13 09:13 PM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1096
Loc: The ATL

Hi Huskey. Good for you for going through with it. I know it took a hell of a lot of courage to get up in front of people when you had doubts about yourself. Don't feel bad that things didn't go perfectly. I know I've heard interviews in the past with famous and successful musicians who say that their first concerts were a disaster and they kept at it until they were famous and successful. You say that your concert wasn't a disaster, so it sounds like you're ahead of the game there. Thank you for sharing your story and your experience with us here. I only wish I could have been in the audience that night. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#447416 - 09/17/13 12:09 AM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 128
Loc: California
Jesus, Husky. I feel so lucky that I logged in today and read this post.

I am so proud of you - and for you.

Your new understandings are exactly what I and we need to read.

Congratulations, a million times. Your talent, and your effort, speak for all of us, and speak especially for you - Husky: survivor and thriver.

Thank you for being brave. Thank you for doing this concert humbly, and wirh an open mind, as we should all approach our journey. I feel like you are a living a Greek myth, where a man triumphs over circumstances thrown at him by the gods simply by persevering, and by being human. I'm human too, as we all are. Isn't that wonderful? We are small and we can do great things. I mean great in human scale, in terms of the lessons we can learn by taking a risk.

I respect you and the example you set enormously.

Geoff
_________________________
I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes.

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#447421 - 09/17/13 12:54 AM Re: Transcending CSA in Realizing a Dream [Re: concerned_husky]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 214
Loc: California
Husky,

I am so glad to hear about your journey with the concert. Really you have just documented the SOLUTION as it applies to survivors. You took us from the idea, through the planning, through the actual experience, and now finally to the outcome since that experience. All the time, you have let us come along on your inner journey with the challenges from the CSA, how it has opened up new areas of thought, and how you have swatted those concerns and challenges aside and pushed forward. All of which led to new revelations you may never have had if you would have never done it.

I am very inspired by this thread. You are a winner and my hero for doing this concert. I am sure it was beautiful music because it came from your heart. This post is certainly music to my ears. Keep moving onward and upward!!
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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